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2 Bumps

Out of state family inviting selves to stay with us right before my due date

(we have a 2 year old, and are due for our 2nd late spring) Several of my husband's out of state family have invited themselves to stay with us right around our due date. Each separately telling me (not my husband) that they are planning on coming so they can be there when I go into labor.

I understand his parents wanting to be there ... it's the aunts and cousins that are saying they're going to come and 'help with the toddler' before hand that I don't know how to answer. I will need more 'help' after the baby is here. And (with our first son) my FIL and his wife (good friend of mine) came from across the country for a week - and watched me like a time bomb saying things like "we're going to be leaving on Monday - hope you deliver before then" ... I love them SO much, so - despite the pressure and anxiety it created, I don't mind them - in fact, I want them here. But, now we have some other family of my DH (that neither of us are that crazy about) saying they want to come stay with us too ... They live 3 - 6 hours away. I have a lot of family in the area that they could stay with - they know this. But, how do I tell them to wait til after baby is here, while telling my FIL and his wife (my sweet friend) they, however, are absolutely welcome to come? Is there a way to do this without creating even more problems?

The family who are inviting themselves are pushy, loud, outspoken, and have a way of getting on my last nerve - so them loudly sitting around saying "aren't you in labor yet" would REALLY not be helpful. How do I politely tell them 'no' without opening myself up to a seriously uncomfortable conversation? (i.e. 'so THEY can come and WE can't?')

Any offers of what to say would be much appreciated! Thank you!

 
MariposaKsr

Asked by MariposaKsr at 7:57 PM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (28 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My family has done the same thing! I'm due next week. Every time someone told me they were coming to stay and help I asked them, "Oh that's great! What HOTEL are you staying at while you are here?" I made it very clear that I had no time to be a hostess, or the money to feed any guests. All it took was that simple question to let people know that they were welcome to drop by, but NOT to stay in my home. It's not like I own a Mariott or something, lol.

    So try using that question to get your point across. If they say, "I thought we were staying with you!" Just say, "Oh, I'm SO SORRY for the misunderstanding! But there are so many people coming in to town to help out, that we really can't fit everyone in! There's just no room left for people to sleep! I'd really love for you to come, but I also want you to be comfortable and not have to bunk down for the night in your car."

    Then resort to good, old fashioned "NO, you can't."
    Kristin_Allen

    Answer by Kristin_Allen at 8:10 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Just say NO! Why complicate it. This is your time. If you allow them to overstep their boundaries they will.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:01 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • You just tell them the house is too full and you really need more help after the baby comes then before. It will stress you out to have them there. Be point blank. I had the same thing happen with babies 4 & 5 and I had to put my foot down. In fact with baby #5 they all wanted to be in the freaking room when I had her lol.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:02 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I don't see any way to do this other than to be sneaky or just outright.  I would outright tell them that you rather they be there AFTER the baby is born.  This is YOUR time, own it.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 8:00 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Tell the other family members that won't work. Tell them you already have company staying during that time.. Remind them there is other family who might have room. Leave it in their lap. It is rude to invite yourself for overnight visits to ANYONES house, even family.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:02 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Unless you have a HUGE house........tell them thanks so much, but we are out of room. Tell them if they would like to stay a hotel you'd love for them to be there. Now, if this was me ............ I wouldnt tell them anything. I would tell my husband to tell them.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 8:02 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I would say I don't want everything to overwhelm my first child. It's a big change then to have a lot of people might make it harder. Say you think it will be best for everyone if you keep it to grandparents until the baby is here. Good luck.
    mrs.coop

    Answer by mrs.coop at 8:26 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I love Kristin's answer! No one can take advantage of you w/out your permission. Suggest some nice Hotels in the area & enjoy your peace & quiet while it lasts! GL! :)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:31 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • WOW! They're effin swarming you! The sheer volume of people would be what bothered me! I guess I think of it differently because when we have brought our babies home, it has always been just LP and I.

    I would definitely be either getting a bit firm on who is and who isn't coming, or having someone else do my dirty work.

    You do not need more stress at this point!
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:31 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Uhhh, just tell them it's not a good time and that you'll already have house guests/help. If they get mad, it's their problem. You have enough to worry about without stressing about these morons.
    PhilsBabyMama

    Answer by PhilsBabyMama at 9:14 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

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