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My 9 yr old daughter shows no remorse or real emotion for her wrong doing, Why?

She is a prcious child, but she shows no emotion (good or bad) and no remorse (for things she does wong, like lying, cheating at school, making bad grades,destroying other things and etc). The only time she cries is when she copies others or when she doesn't get her way! The teachers even say she shows no emotions. HELP? What does this mean? Her biological mother is bi-polar and many other things like that.

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Asked by ChuckiesGirl at 8:42 AM on Mar. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (73 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • That would concern me. I'd probably talk to my family doctor about it privately and see if we need to walk the path of psych evaluation. :( Good luck to you all!

    Answer by Nonoluna at 8:44 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I think that part of the ability to feel remorse is the ability to empathize with sounds like she is not seeing (for one reason or another) the impact her actions have on other people. You probably already try to show her by saying things like "How would you feel if your friend lied to you..." etc, but if not definitely try.

    If you think that she is completely lacking this ability, this could be something psychological that you would want to get checked out. I wouldn't panic right away, though, because for all I know it could be a stage kids go through in normal development, but it is definitely worth checking out!

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:49 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • She has been to therapy...and the Primary care doctor...they say there is nothing wrong! I just can't believe that! It is clear there is a huge problem! She goes back to the child psycologist the 6th of April...I hope to learn something more by then. I did a little research on the internet and it leads me to sociopath and psycopath...I am terrified that might be it! It says that is a direct connection to parents with bi-polar....oh how I pray that is not it.

    Comment by ChuckiesGirl (original poster) at 8:49 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Has she ever been made to feel pain for her wrong choices? If she has not, then there is absolutely no way she is going to automatically feel remorse for having done wrong. She has done it indiscriminately and gotten away with it, so there's no reason for her to feel remorse. Children are born selfish, and they have to be taught that they can't always have what they want when they want it and the way they want it. If she has not been taught this and had it reinforced with painful consequences, then it is not surprising that she is the way she is. "She only cries when she doesn't get her way" is a huge clue to what's going on with this child.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:50 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • This has been going on for over 4 yrs now! It is sad to see such a beautiful girl act as she does. She doesn't laugh at funy things...she doesn't cry over things unless she see's her sister's cry or unless she gets disciplined. When you talk to her, she looks at you with a blank stare and shoes not emotion. We ask her what she is thinking and she says nothing...I mean, she says not a word...she just stares at you. She got caught cheating a school and she laughed about doing it...she didn't even cry when she learned her punishment. She doesn't pick up after herself, she won't bathe or brush her teeth without being told numerous times to do so. And even then she lies about it sometimes. I just don't know what to do anymore...she is grounded to the max because of these things...but then we feel guilty because she is grounded all the time. She has written, essays (which she does very well) and still nothing good comes of it!

    Comment by ChuckiesGirl (original poster) at 8:57 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • yeah.. I had that fear for a while with my middle one.. still worry sometimes. I would say your instincts are usually better than drs sometimes, but I'll caveat that the internet gives us access to all sorts of topics to worry us.

    It is empathy that you're talking about and I have also read that it leads to deviant behavior because.. the individual can not put themselves in anothers shoes and the value of life isn't the same. So, please -please continue to seek help and find a dr that specializes in your particular concerns.

    Good luck.

    Answer by Camilletnt at 9:13 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • my oldest is like that (for the most part). she needs counseling

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 9:14 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • “...she doesn't cry over things unless she see's her sister's cry”

    Seems that the only emotional connection she has is with her sister. See if you can recruit her (the sister) help in this.

    Just a thought here. GL


    Answer by musicmom08 at 10:08 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • FIRST I LIKE TO SAY SORRY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH maybe you should seek some professional help for her

    good luck

    Answer by monteza3 at 10:35 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I saw from your answers above that you have reached out for therapy before. At times children who lack emotion are often clever enough to give therapists the answers they think they want to hear! One of the best things that you can do before your appointment in April, is to write down just brief scenarios of some examples of what has happened to demonstrate what you're wanting the therapist to understand. Just a therapy visit isn't going to do it and it seems inappropriate for a therapist to dismiss your concerns. I'm a therapist working with children and if is something that is out of the area I work with, I would refer to the appropriate type of therapist or suggest testing. I feel that your best avenue is to have your child tested (psychological testing). Ask your pediatrician to refer you for that to be done. You will have a clearer picture of what she needs. I know you're scared. I understand.

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 10:58 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

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