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I feel like I am pushing my hubby away while going through this miscarriage

My hubby and I have been married going on 4 years. We have a two year old daughter and we recently began TTC again. We got great news on Feb 10th that we were pregnant... but we loss the pregnancy on Feb 28th. My hubby has been nothing but supportive and has taken full responsibility for caring for me hand and foot, as well as our daughter. However, I am beginning to feel some tension between us. I think he is getting a little tired and stressed and I don't need him to buckle on me because he is the only real support I have. How can I lighten his load and continue to physically go through this natural miscarriage?

 
MrsJStearns

Asked by MrsJStearns at 10:25 AM on Mar. 6, 2011 in Trying to Conceive

Level 16 (2,706 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • It is a very tense time for both of you. I know that when I miscarried, my husband did not get the full impact of it - of course he was upset , but I felt like he wasn't nearly as upset as I was, because he wasn't as attached. It's easy to get lost in yourself and become isolated, but just try to take a little time to let your husband know you appreciate him being there for you. Sometimes a hug and kiss and a few kind words makes all the difference in the world. Don't forget to do the same for your daughter - if you're not paying much attention to her, I'm sure she's upset and confused. Let her know you still love her, but you hurt right now. Never forget how blessed you are to have your first child. Eventually, you will heal from this and you can try again. No baby can ever replace the one you lost, and that baby will never be forgotten - but the paid will fade, and you can keep trying.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 10:39 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • he may be hurting also but he wants to make sure your ok. I know you feel lost but let him know how great he has been and that you appreciate all that he has been doing for you. Maybe he needs to talk about his feelings also.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 10:31 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • when i miscarried i felt it way more than my husband did... although theyre sad about it they dont have to physically experience it the way we do ... maybe try to talk to him ... say i going through a tough time and i sorry if it upsets u ... he might just not fully understand why ure still upset.. me n my dh went through the same thing... as time goes by ull start to feel better and be back to ur old self.. u need to give urself time ..by the dates uve given its only been a week... its just a rough patch ul get through it
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 10:45 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • It is trauma for the both of you, not just you, although you are going through hormonal imbalances and changes that abruptly stopped, he is going through the emotions kind also. Just grieve and carry on with trying again, don't give up hope.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:10 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Men deal with miscarriage differently. My husband has been the most supportive person on the planet since we lost our baby in January. That being said, I feel that at times I have distanced myself from him because I feel so alone in my pain. When I mention something to my husband about being said (i.e. Today would have been the beginning of the 2nd trimester for us) his response is always "I'm so sorry baby."

    Finally I said "You know baby, I'm not the only one going through this. This didn't just happen to me. Aren't you sad too?"

    I think for men they see it as something sad and something disappointing that happen but some have a hard time putting it in to real perspective because they didn't have the miscarriage physically, the did have the morning sickness before, the sore breasts, etc.

    I think it's especially hard for men when the miscarriage happens in the 1st trimester because the didn't SEE the big belly as a
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I definitely let him know that all he is doing is appreciated and that I thank God for him being so willing. At the beginning, we would sit and talk about how we both felt and I made sure to ask him, "Baby, what's going through your head...how are you feeling?" His answer has been consistent, "I am worried about YOU". He can't stand to see me cry, hurt in any way, or not smile. He is the best! Now when I say thanks, his response has a tone like...yeah, you're welcome, but you need to get it together. That is only how I am reading him and I could be wrong...although we know one another very well.
    MrsJStearns

    Comment by MrsJStearns (original poster) at 10:49 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • result of a growing baby inside your belly.

    The most important thing is open communication. Don't ONLY tell him thank you for the things he does and ask him about HIS feelings.. TELL HIM how YOU are feeling...the good, the bad and the ugly.

    When I miscarried the yolk sac and the baby passed a couple hours a part after a full night of contractions. I was alone in the bathroom when the baby fell into my hand. I had a panic attack. I couldn't breath, my mouth was so dry and I thought I was going to pass out.

    It was a hard story to repeat, still is really, but I told my husband. Not because I wanted him to be disgusted or in pain or anything but because it was important to let him know what was going on with me so that he could better help me and so that he could heal himself.

    This is hard....it's not going to get easier any time soon....but you will get through it....I promise.....sorry for your loss!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

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