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4 Bumps

Does anybody else hate being "step-mom" to kids?

My boyfriend has a 5 year old, everytime the kid is here my skin crawls.

 
JenniferLynn3

Asked by JenniferLynn3 at 10:41 AM on Mar. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (47 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Jennifer Lynn, you're not alone. This is my 2nd marriage & my 2nd stepparenting role, & it is not easy. It isn't the child that is the issue, it's the representation & baggage that comes along with being in the role of stepparenting. Just like the stepchild, your feelings are valid & you should not feel ashamed of them. But, feelings are just that & as adults it's our responsibility to learn not to let them rule us...& to try to find out what's triggering them. Talking to a close friend you can TRUST, or better yet finding a counselor you like can be very cathartic & helpful. Writing down your feelings & shredding the paper is good to. Be as kind as you can be to the child & if you find moments where you can't, then take a walk or break to avoid saying or doing anything hurtful. It's important to determine if you're now staying with this guy out of love, or to prove something - in the roll of step-mom.
    Aammyy

    Answer by Aammyy at 2:04 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • As a stepmom I do love my stepchild. I dont think you should be in a relationship with a man if you dislike his child.The child will always be his. No changing that. I would take a hard look at myself and my relationship before going much further if I were you. Your dislike of his will eventually interfere and cause problems with your boyfriend.
    katcb1019

    Answer by katcb1019 at 10:46 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Well thats a sign you shouldnt be dating him then. If you dont like the child then you cant love the man because that child is part of that man,.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:48 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Then you should not be dating a man with a child.
    And you are NOT a step mother as you are NOT married to the man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I have a girlfriend that feels this same way, and I tell her all the time that if she is with someone with children, she cannot let herself feel that way. She doesn't want to hear that, and how she feels isn't something that can easily be changed, but the kids involved will pick up on it and resent both you and the father who let you do it.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:55 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I feel sorry for that kid.

    I was a step child. I am glad that my stepfather loved me. My father never remarried, but he had girlfriends that didn't like us. You may think you aren't showing it, but I can guarentee that the kid knows and that is a horrible feeling.

    If you want to keep this relationship, I would suggest that you seek counseling to help you over this or to find out why you feel this way. I certainly hope you won't be one of those women who works to get her man to not see his kids anymore.

    Being a step parent is hard. I've been there, but if you can not even care a little bit about that child, maybe you need to rethink the relationship.

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:31 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Then you have no business being with this man. If you can't stand his kid, the relationship is doomed.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:44 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • You can't stand his child, you shouldn't be dating the father.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:18 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • My husband had a son before we were married who sadly passed away before I could meet him. My dh was up front. If I couldnt love his son then I was not the right woman for him. You need to be honest with the bf and tell him how you feel. Otherwise you are a use and a liar and will have no respect of this child as it gets older AND the father will dump your ass all in good time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • im not a stepmom but i feel that way about some of my husbands families kids... i just see them and my teeth clench.. lol im not sure if this is normal or not...lol
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 10:42 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

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