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My 19 yr old daughter had a miscarrriage now what

I'm scared for her. She found out she also had STD and what to get pregnant when he boyfriend comes back from deployment in July. I think they should wait...money jobs and his marriage isn't complete.
What test does she need to follow upon? She never had a D & C done she lost "everything" in her tub
She was recommended to go to counseling but refuses
She doesn't work
She doesn't go to school
She lives with her boyfriend
I know everyone says support her but she loves to depend on other people and not herself.....she quits whatever she starts. Shes planning to go to her 3rd college? God only knows when

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bmwlover

Asked by bmwlover at 11:23 AM on Mar. 6, 2011 in Health

Level 14 (1,760 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • There is nothing you can do but be there for her. Having adult children I sometimes think is harder then having small children. When they are small we can tell them no and send them to their rooms, when they are grown we have to let them learn their life lessons on their own. For whatever reason this is the life she is choosing right now. In 10 yrs she may look back and say man that was so stupid, or you may look back and see you worried about nothing. Maybe she will be a great stay at home mom and her husband and her will be great together forever. Then again, maybe not. But just be there for her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:26 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I feel your pain, believe me. I have a son who turns 20 next week & trying to guide him thru adulthood when they think they know what the heck they're doing, is exasporating to say the least. And gemgem was right, there's really not much we can do but sit back & watch the show & be there to pick up the pieces then things fall apart. This past year I've had to learn to do a lot of adusting to my mindset & did a lot of praying too! Just try to keep yourself strong & be there for her when she needs it. They're just gonna do what they want anyways (we did-right?!) Some of life's lessons are harder than others. We can only hope they learn something from them along the way. GL :)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 11:35 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • "she is going to her third college" I hope that means SHE is paying... first off DO NOT pay for her schooling if her life is in such chaos.


    She will have to grow up herself... you can not pull her out of this mess she has made.


    You said his marriage is not finished... does the wife know?  are they separated? 


    I have NO idea what I would do if my child made such horrific life choices... I do not know what to say... but BIG HUGS... you can do right by your kids but in the end it is their life, their choices... but DO NOT help financially... SHE has to figure this one out.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I agree that there's nothing you can do.
    She sounds bound and determined to do whatever she wants regardless of what's best. You can give her your advice and try to guide her in the right direction, but again there's nothing you really can do to stop her.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:43 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I agree there's nothing you can do just be there when she decides god bless you
    monteza3

    Answer by monteza3 at 12:46 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • She needs tough love. I mean, having a miscarriage is traumatic but she doesn't sound like she understands the ramifications of a pregnancy and being a mother. Don't support her financially. Listen to her but don't take her crap and don't let her manipulate you.
    metalhealthmom

    Answer by metalhealthmom at 12:52 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I am confused I thought you said her boyfriend was deployed but then you said she lived with her boyfriend?????
    baby1love

    Answer by baby1love at 6:29 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • My daughter IS living with her boyfriend yes he is deployed which means he is paying for the apartment. They both signed the lease before he left for sea
    No he is not divorce....he does have a 2 yr old son already
    Thank you all for listening
    It's just really disappointing watching my daughter drain her life away by her choices in life.....
    bmwlover

    Comment by bmwlover (original poster) at 8:37 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • All you can do is be supportive... if you're concerned about her health-wise, ask if her doctor is monitoring her beta hcg levels to make sure they fall to zero. This is done after a natural m/c to make sure that all the pregnancy tissue has been passed. Assuming no tissue has been left behind, medically there is no further need to follow up after a m/c. If beta hcg levels don't fall to zero, there may be tissue remaining and a d&c may be recommended. HTH a bit! Best of luck to your daughter!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 8:46 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • My daughter did go to an O doc and they said her uterus is still swollen. I don't know if that would go down or not??? Is there extra care that my daughter needs to do for her body is order to have a future baby??
    bmwlover

    Comment by bmwlover (original poster) at 6:35 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

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