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Is there something wrong with me? adult content

My daughter is almost 4 and I haven't been at all interested in sex with my husband since before she was born. Even the THOUGHT of him climbing on top of me and sweating and grunting makes me sick to my stomach. Or, if I start getting aroused thinking about him on top of me is like a bucket of ice water.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Mar. 6, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • Talk to your Dr

    Answer by Kimimale at 12:57 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I'm not sure what to say as I don't know how you interact during the day, how he treates you, whether he is neglectful, abusive in any way, or has given you reason to believe his is cheating or has cheated. Often when there are sexual problems it isn't you, it is the marriage itself. I would talk to a doctor and probably get a councilor, preferably a marriage councilor to work with both of you individually then together. Good luck!

    Answer by JoyfulJ at 1:02 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Definitely has something to do with you- has something happened to you in the past to make you feel that your DH on top of you is gross? Also, you could be experiencing something like depression- I know it killed my sex drive completely. Have you talked to DH about how you feel?

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:02 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Based on what you have shared.

    What is your overall relationship with your husband like? Do you feel your needs are met on a regular basis? Do you feel appreciated on a regular basis? Do you feel truly desired and wanted on a regular basis? When you were wanting/having sex, did you feel satisfied fulfilled and pleasured by your sex life on a regular basis? Did you feel your sexual needs and desires were met on a regular basis.

    Many times, the type of reaction you are sharing is due to the interpersonal relationship between a couple... and/or..... If sex was not pleasurable to you on a regular basis, if your sexual needs/desires weren't being met on a regular basis. Both cause emotional distance, resentments and frictions. All of which are huge dampers to a woman's sexual desire.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:11 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • pixie_trix: No, no, no, no, no and no.

    JoyfulJ: He is not physically abusive but spends most of his few hours at home daily (he works a late swing/early grave shift) ignoring me and the kids. I've also caught the internet history 3 times of visiting XXX-rated websites. Twice he's admitted it was him after I busted him, the third he swears it was one of his college classmates.

    I've told him in the past that we needed counseling. Our insurance only pays for 4 visits total, and that's about as far as he's ever gone.

    lovingmy4babies: I was molested from 12 to 14 by a close family friend. When I was stupid enough to say anything *I* got blamed for everything.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:34 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • If your overall answers are "No" all the way around. THAT is the base root of your intimacy issues with your husband. In order to "fix" (for lack of a better term at the moment) the issues you are having with sex/intimacy, the two of you must: openly and honestly, address all (big and small) issues that you two are having outside and inside of the bedroom, and then work together to rectify them (or come to mutually happy and livable compromises). That's the only way your being totally turned off by your husband can begin to be addressed and changed. These types of problems greatly affect: how a woman views/feels about herself, how she views/feels about her husband, her desire not only for sex but her desire to be intimate with that particular partner... Those types of feelings (one caused by issues in the relationship) fester and poison a relationship from inside out. One of the first things to be poisoned is intimacy.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:47 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

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