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Anyone else in a relationship feel like a single mom?

My boyfriend and I are both active duty and because we kinda sorta work together nobody knows he has a son or who the baby's daddy is. All they know is that I'm dating the baby's dad. We work opposite shifts and during the week I take care of the baby. All his appointments are my responsibilities. The past three months he's been on detachments, so he's been gone for weeks at a time, comes home for a week and is gone again. He just left again for another two weeks. I know I probably sound like i'm whining but its not easy... and I don't know how single moms do it. Plus when he is home, I rarely see him since he's busy working on his truck or at the gun range because he needs his "alone" time. What about me?

 
anthonys_mom21

Asked by anthonys_mom21 at 1:17 PM on Mar. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Yea my boyfriend gotfrustrated easily too, but instead of him putting her in the crib or trying to give her a bottle 99% of the time he will wake me up or rush me to finish doing what i was doing to console her. Exactly he has the patience, time, and persiverance to make sure his car and his well being are perfect. I keep telling him he's being selfish and he doesn't see it, we were "debating" about it one day while he was feeding her and he said "here feed YOUR child" so i took it upon myslef to be a "single mom" were still together but i refused to let him near MY child for a week, he's getting a little better with her but he still will get frustrated from time to time. To each his own do what you think might make him come around.
    nevsammomma

    Answer by nevsammomma at 8:57 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I fe the same way and I am married. I got to school full time and he works full time on opposite shifts. Plus he always has to work overtime. It is stressful on all of us.
    Hatsumomo

    Answer by Hatsumomo at 2:39 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • sorry ur going through that, My hubby is in the military so when he is away i often feel like a single mother , everythiing falls on me , i mean it always falls on me anyway but at least he helps out when he's around...so i totally know the feeling and as much as i resent him for it sometimes , i know its not his fault , im a sahm so he's gotta make a living for us the best way he knows how. hang in there babe , i wish u the best!
    PrettyBaby24

    Answer by PrettyBaby24 at 1:46 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I know the feeling my boyfriend works at night he doesnt come home until 2 in the morning then he goes to bed, wakes up goes to the gym, comes home for about an hour then right back to work, i dont know what its like to be a military mom or wife but i do know what its like to be a single mother because my first child i was a single mom from start to finish.i guess i set my self up for disaster with this one because i am still with him so it hought it would be different, all i got to say is keep your head up, when he gets home and is in the bathroom or something put the baby in there with him and take 15 minutes to your self take a lil walk, or if you feel more comfortable when hes home lock yourself in the bathroom and take a relaxing bath, that's what i do!!!!! Good luck
    nevsammomma

    Answer by nevsammomma at 1:54 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • He gets home around midnight and by the time he gets home me and the baby are already asleep. i have to get up at 4 in the morning to get me and the baby ready for work/daycare. And on the weekends all he wants to do is work on the truck. He'll watch him for a minute or two but as soon as he starts to fuss he hands him back to me, or just puts him in his crib so he doesn't have to hear him cry. He gets so frustrated with him that it makes me mad. He has the patience to make sure the box he's building for the speakers he's putting in his truck is perfect but for our son, he has little to none. He'll take his time vacuuming the truck and shampooing the interior, but no patience to hold our son when all he wants is to be held. Is it just me or should he spend more time with our son to learn to be patient or should I just leave him alone?
    anthonys_mom21

    Comment by anthonys_mom21 (original poster) at 2:05 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I am married and feel that way all the time. He works and I am a house wife do everything around here. He works and just comes home to sit around. I have just gotten used to it. I know hard but might just need to leave and get a day out for yourself.
    momindiana

    Answer by momindiana at 2:17 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Sorry Hun. He absolutely SHOULD spend more time taking care of his son, but I don't know how to make a person want to do something like that.

    I'm kinda in a similar situation. DH has an insanely demanding job and he's usually out the door by 6am and home around 8am (or later). And even when he's not working, he often meets his friends at the bar or goes for a long walk to "recharge". So of course ALL the childcare and housecare falls on me. Plus I'm working part-time at an acceptable, but somewhat boring job - I can't take a more interesting or well-paying job because when who will take care of our son? At least DH does play with DS when he is home.

    You need to find a way to talk about it with him. Honestly, I think couples therapy might help. Emotionally charged topics like this can be tricky to handle without pissing each other off - you need to be able to talk honestly and productively. Good luck!
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 2:27 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Wow! I can't imagine what is it like to live with someone who is so selfish. Ask him why he wanted to have a child with you; his answer may help guide you.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:35 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

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