Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

She doesn't say "I love you"

I tell my 5 year old daughter that I love her all the time. Without a doubt I tell her every night when I say goodnight and anytime we part (she goes to school, I make a quick run to the grocery store, saying "good-bye" over the phone, etc.). I'll also tell her once or twice at least just regular throughout the day.

But I hardly ever get an "I love you too" back from her. Usually there's nothing said at all from her end. And I don't believe I have ever gotten an "I love you" from her first.

I've tried to not let it get to me, but I feel so heartbroken. She readily says it to DH and to her grandparents. She even often tells me how much she loves her friends from school. I'm very proud of her, as she is a wonderful kid. She is very gentle and caring and social and I honestly could not ask for a better child.

But I I doing something wrong? Is there a REASON why she doesn't say it back?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Mar. 6, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • No worries. Say it when you want with no expectations in return. Sometimes we don't need to say it to those we are sure of and love the most. If she is a great kid full of kindness towards others - you are doing everything right. And no harm in being honest. Tell all tour family members at dinner how it helps to hear those words, how it makes you feel. This way it is not directly aimed at her. Play an I love you game at family meals....what I love about dad is......, what we love about brother is...., what we love about mom is....ect. In this way every member feels respected, loved, valued, and special. One time a week is not over doing it. Pick one night and make it a routine you do (say) every Monday.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:36 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It is probably because what she has with you is such a wonderful and powerful bond, that to lump it into "love" just doesn;t describe it. At 5, developmentally, kids are still sometimes "merged" with mom . . . self-concept being the two of you as one unit. Very soon, she will spread her wings and start to form her own identity amongst her schoolmates and friends. I am predicting, around that change, she will begin to tell you how much she loves you . . . .

    It is sort of a symbolic indicator of everything you are doing right. her bond with you being so strong right now will serve her so well as she grows and matures.


    BTW . . . .my daughter was the same way . . . . until her social change . . . .now she loves me SO MUCH! It is so hard to be a mom, sometimes.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 11:48 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • That is a great answer, imaginatinMama!

    Hang in there!

    Answer by khedy at 11:55 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Does she know what love is?... each child will tell you a different thing. Use and example of something that she absolutely can not live without or do without. I like Iove you more than you love your..fill in the blank...and then some. Her heart will be filled with joy. I'd say to my child " I love you more than all of the coolest toy cars in the world! now what??.. And he'd try to out do me. Now he out does me word wise. The whole point was to teach him how to express his heart. That is a skill worth teaching, you can't learn that at school no matter how much you pay. She love you, Just needs a way that is easy for her to express it.

    Answer by Avitar at 12:46 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • bump

    Answer by chiquis at 3:48 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • hmmm, I really don't have any advice here. My son says it all the time.

    Answer by KTMOM at 11:56 AM on Mar. 7, 2011