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Giving advice... Or not

So my SO was having some family problems with his dad. He called his mom and sister so they could come overt talk to him. Well while we were waiting I tried to be comforting and tried to give him advice. Apparently he didn't like what I said and blew up at me and got super pissed. Then after they got here they talked for a bit and said the exact same thing I said, same wordsand all, and he thought it was the best advice ever. I can kinda see why he took it better with them but I'm slightly annoyed by his reaction to me thisisnt the first time its happened. Would you blow it off or try to talk about it?

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ibelayni

Asked by ibelayni at 6:12 AM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (265 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • dont really be upset at that. i understand how you feel, trust me. i told my husband that i was having attitude problems and i noticed myself getting irritated alot more and couldnt explain why. i thought it was the depo (birth control) shot i was on,or mabey because i was tired, and that my body seems to be sore alot. he blew up at me thinkjing that i was trying to start arguments with him and say mean things to him and everything would be okay but when he did it to me i would make a big fuss, or mabey i was trying gto get attention in a negative way for our marriage.
    his g-ma told him that it was because of my eating habbits, i dont eat enough and it makes me cranky and tired and my body sore (fyi she is a doctor and has her degree in phycoligy). the moment she said it same words and all that i have been trying to get him to understand for the past couple of months, he instantly believes her and start telling me what i have
    ryahzMommy

    Answer by ryahzMommy at 6:56 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • been telling him because is g-ma said it. sometime men can just be that way. dont get me wrong my husband is very understanding but what i think you should do is kind of jokingly ask him what advice did his family give him and when he tells you then say wow that kind of sounds like the advice i gave you. if hes anything like my husband he will realize that it is and tell you he is sorry. good luck hunn
    ryahzMommy

    Answer by ryahzMommy at 6:59 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I've learned to just listen to my SO complain and not say anything, even if I know what I would say would be helpful. I say the usual empathizing things, but no advice, unless he specifically asks for it.

    Whether or not I'd try to talk about it or blow it off would depend on how often it happens and how I think he would react to me telling him I want to talk about it. It would also depend on how ticked off I was at him for it. I'd definitely at least have to wait until I was calm enough to talk to him without calling him a jerk or something. LOL

    It also might be that he was still pretty mad about the situation, so he would have reacted that way to his family if they'd been there at that moment giving that advice. By the time they got there, he might have calmed down some.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:01 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • sometimes you just don't want to hear reality from your SO ! I don't mind if a family member tells me I'm over reacting but if my DH tells me its like the red flag goes up. From the tone of your question, even you can see that he just wanted someone else to say it, not you, so don't dwell on it, give him a kiss, move forward and allow him to be human. You can either choose to keep srewing on it and making it bigger than you feel now, or choose to let it go as a human response to a stressful moment. It's okay that he doesn't have it all together all the time - means you get to be crazy sometimes too x-x-x
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:21 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • heehee 'stewing' not srewing 11.22pm here, I need to go to bed !
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:22 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I'd just let it go, and not mention it again. If this however is his usual behavior with you you might have an issue that does need to be dealt with.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:11 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I feel you girl! First he's all like STFU, you don't know anything! Then we he gets the EXACT same advice from a family member it's all like he had an epiphany and shit, right? But you know what I've come to learn? Even though you're in a relationship with him NOW, he's had a certain kind of relationship with his family his WHOLE life. So we're kind of on the outside, looking in when it comes to how he behaves with THEM. But as long as you have a serious say so when it comes to HIS relationship with YOU, then I would pick my battles. Besides, if we're talking about the kind of guy who won't ask directions even when he KNOWS he's lost; then sh*t, be happy that he's willing to listen to SOMEBODY who makes sense, even if it isn't you all the time.
    Dmommy4

    Answer by Dmommy4 at 3:04 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

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