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Help! My husband is making a big deal about my son not socializing with other girls.

He will talk to them by text and or fb and e-mail but in person he gets nervous. We saw a neighborhood girl who he is friendly with and he cringed when he saw her in the mall. My hubby was pi@@ed! He said to him you are just like your mom, you can write up a storm online with people but then in person you are so shy! I got really defensive and told him to stop! I was tired of being compared to and feeling like a social experiment. Meanwhile I told him you are a gambler and a momma's boy. He got really quiet and did not talk to me much of the day but I finally got him to stop inviting his mom over with his silver spoon up her a@@ sister for dinner. Whenever the father goes out , he feels like he has to entertain them on Sundays meanwhile I get stuck cleaning up and his sis just stuffs her face and leaves...I finally won one. But I feel so sad for my son any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:08 AM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Well, it's a tough one. You don't want your son to be shy; you want him to feel comfortable around girls and women. But...talking to him the way your husband did is not going to accomplish that; in fact, it's a pretty sure way to ensure it never happens.

    What kind of guy is your husband outside of this situation? Is he generally a pretty nice guy that you can easily talk to? If so, I'd try talking to him and explain to him that your son needs to come into his own in his own time and that talking to him that way isn't going to make that happen, and will only delay it. I would also make sure to stand up for your son when Dad pulls this kind of stuff, and teach your son to stand up for himself, too.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:15 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • oh yeah, i never would have talked to a boy in front of my parents, that's embarrassing! that is something you do parent-free.....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:47 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • How old is your ds? Because honestly, if he's early teen or middle school age, then this is pretty normal. Think back to all those middle school dances where basically the girls stood on one side and the boys on the other.... Or when you would get a note passed asking if you like so and so... or sitting and talking on the phone, but being embarrassed to talk face to face.

    Also, there's a chance that it wasn't talking to the girl that made him nervous, it was talking to the girl with his parents there watching him talk to her, or being (shock, gasp) seen with his parents (because, lol, as you know, all teens were hatched from eggs and do not actually HAVE parents...)

    I would tell your dh to lighten up, that this is normal and if you leave him alone and let him develop he'll be fine, but if you push it, you could give him this hang up and actually slow the process down. Besides, would he rather him be a teen dad instead?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:13 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Great point, about not wanting to talk in front of the 'rents. I've heard about kids who are so outgoing around the opposite sex at school, other places where kids hang out... just not in front of the judging eyes of their parents, who they seek approval from.

    Answer by myshinymonkey at 8:21 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Have him join a co-ed summer camp or something where he is forced to talk & hang out with boys and girls. I remember at that age, that's all kids did in summer camp was talk to the opposite sex. We even had a dance at the end of the week where a boy had to ask a girl to the dance.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:45 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • If anything he should be giving him positive reinforcement and encouragment to bring his confidence up.... and that's not just about talking to girls, because maybe he's just not ready yet to start dating and that's OK especially if he's only 15, that's young! Telling him that he's too shy is a put down and is going lower his self esteem making the situation worse. It sounds like your dh is putting a lot of pressure on your son, but not giving him the correct tools to do what he is asking. If I were you, I would sit down with your son, apologize for his dad's behavior and discuss your son's good personality traits that people like about him. Everyone has positive and negative personality traits, it's best to push the positive ones and not shove the negative ones down our throats. Good Luck!!!

    Answer by Namaste17 at 9:09 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • till hubby to stuff it,,,he like something about you or he wounldn't have married you

    Answer by cara124 at 10:21 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • 15 is still young for some to start relationships. In high school a lot of people wondered if I was a lesbian because I wasn't interested in having a relationship with a guy. Don't push him or let your husband push him, it will make him uncomfortable and even more closed off probably. Some people are very shy especially at this age it's really awkward just let him do his thing..

    Answer by walkintherain at 11:11 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • A shy person is a shy person and no amount of bullying or humiliation will change that. All he will do is alienate his son and breed resentment. Not a lot you can do other than try to convince your husband. But as another suggested, just tell your son in private that he should be the way he is and there is nothing wrong with that. He will find his way. I know when I was young, I was always more attracted to the shy boys because they weren't so full of themselves and could be really sweet.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:03 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I dont know how old your son is. I would however talk to him and apologize for his dads behavior. My sons were all different.. My oldest was really never shy around girls, and I mean never. He could talk to them his entire life. My middle son though is still some what shy and is a one guy one girl kinda guy. He is 17. When your son is ready he will talk to girls. I wouldnt rush it.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:19 AM on Mar. 7, 2011