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My heart broke into a million pieces

when my 4 year old daughter said to me last night "i wish buela would've come to the talent show last night"

buela is short for abuela which is what MIL wants her grandkids to call her. the "talent show" was actually an all-school choir at our church which my 4 year old was a part of yesterday during sermon.

MIL was invited, never answered & didn't show up. no explanation or anything.

i told my 4 year old a simple white lie... "buela wanted to come but couldn't make it" and reminded her what a good job she did yesterday & how proud we were of her. but aww.. my poor baby! =( she is picking up on MIL's absence. MIL lives 5 minutes away and we see her less than my mom who lives 30 minutes away. it's sad!


Asked by tnm786 at 8:14 AM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • We have family like that. It is hard on the kids.

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 8:17 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I do too... it's hard to explain that behavior to kids. I have a rather distant Irish MIL who never says a kind word. I guess I have explained to both my kids that different people show their love in different ways, and going to events is hard for some older people for a variety of reasons (driving, new places, crowds, stairs in the school, etc.). Might not be true, but I didn't want the kids to think they are not loved and thought of. Does break your heart, doesn't it?

    Answer by myshinymonkey at 8:19 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I feel for you my mother lives about 3 miles away and we see less of her than we do my MIL who we have to jump a plane to see. It is sad one of my kids when we do see her will scream and hold her leg when it is time to leave. She will be sitting there crying telling my mom she does not play with them enough. I do not know how that does not break my moms heart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Its hard on the kids. My ex in laws lived less then 5 min from us when they were small and never came over or visited unless the kids had a bday or it was a holiday and than we were expected to come to them. My older kids are big now and have come to understand their grandparents on that side just suck. When their dad and me divorced they stopped calling or sending them anything for bdays and holidays after a couple years. My dd heard from them when she had her son and they told her it was my fault they were around. My dd told them it was a happy day and she had no time for their drama and if thats what they called for she could go the rest of her life without talking to them. She made me proud!
    Your dd will eventually learn too. People can only be absent so long before kids grow up and figure it out on their own.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:42 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It is sad. I feel for her. I live 45 minutes away from my son, daughter-in-law, and 2 grandchildren and I try to make it over to their house at least once a week if not more. They are only 3 and 19 months and I look forward to their school days ahead. You did the right thing by comforting her, maybe you should pick up the phone and let your daughter tell her how she felt that her grandma wasn't there.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:09 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It's very sad. Is buela ill? Does she have a hard time getting around? Or she simply didn't want to take the time and effort to do this.

    Answer by meooma at 9:47 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • We have an MIA grandmother here as well, the children just can't understand. My boys have other grandparents and relatives thankfully. I feel your pain.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:51 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • no, not ill. lazy if anything. =(

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 11:31 AM on Mar. 7, 2011