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At the risk of being redundant,this is something that really concerns me.

Ok,long story short. Cousin has abusive boyfriend,has son,doesn't feed himhe's taken away. Meanwhile she's pregnant,has 2nd son. She lives with mom,no job,not even attempting to find one. Parties at least 5 days a week. If she doesn't get a job by October,#1 son is being put up for adoption. "baby daddy" is bound for prison for DV and robbing his place of work. They broke up a year ago.
6 weeks ago she meets this guy Justin. he's 21 and in the National Guard. 3 weeks into the relationship,they're already talking marriage. He's integrated himself into every aspect of her life. His actions of late border on controlling. I've been there,done that. I know the type personally. He thinks they'll get married and she'll get her son back and all will be peachy. My Spidey sense,lol,is flashing red ever since she met him. I'm sorry,but a woman in her situation is very unlikely to catch a decent guy. He has an agenda. if he's decent,why isn't he with a girl with little to no baggage KWIM? I asked him on FB to meet with him face to face. Not that my assessment will make any difference to her... i guess in the very least I'll have some info to passonto CPS if the need shall arise. You know that 6th sense that's telling you that this just isn't kosher?

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 10:13 AM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • go with your spidey senses, dude. i'm feeling ya on this one.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:15 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Maybe he's one of those "rescuers", a codependent, someone who habitually hooks up with others who need to be helped, taken care of. Is that possible? Or do you think he's like a control-freak, stalker type?
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 10:15 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Sure I know it, but some times we also invent things because we are soooooooo used to some people screwing up. I think you just need to let this play out. Only she can learn her life lessons and nothing you do is going to help. At this point she probably will lose her son, and I doubt there is much she can do about it. Just because she may marry this guy doesnt mean much to cps. She still has to fulfill the obligations they gave her, and marrying someone doesnt absolve it.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:17 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • In truth, I was in this situation. And believe me, I was certainly exploited. I wound up working two full-times jobs and selling credit card at the city market during the weekends. If I had the chance to redo my life, I would have given up my daughter for adoption to go straight back into the Army. My life has been nothing but long hours of very hard work where it seems that I was nowhere but in a hamster wheel. And the disrespect, humiliation, and rejection (from family and military) didn't make my life any better.

    I believe the young lady you are speaking of really needs to evaluate her life and deeply consider giving those kids up (hopefully a caring person family who won't scam her for child-support) and get enlisted.
    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 10:26 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Im thinking you may be a tad bit into her life a little to much. I mean asking to meet him face to face so you can get to know him behind her back seem seems odd. I ts her life to screw upOr to fix you simply have no control over it.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:22 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • She couldn't be any more messed up. I wold contact whoever has the first kid about what is going on and pray for the second. I really don't think that anything you do will make any difference aside from piss them off to the poing that you will not be in anyones life anymore and what good will that do the kids. What kind of info do you think you will assertain by meeting him? Don't you think that if he has an agenda he is smart enough to hide it from you. You may want to do an internet search on his name and maybe he is a sex offender....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I see your concern. Sometimes you have to let them fall to learn to get back up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • i would just hope for the best and prepare for the worst just like you are doing. no that does not sound kosher at all but there are descent men out there they are few and far between but they do exist
    newlife627

    Answer by newlife627 at 10:32 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I agree with vicesix. I'm one of those people- codependent and always looking for someone to rescue. Before I met my DH, that's exactly what I looked for- someone to save. It never did me any good, either. lol I guess what I'm trying to say is have an open mind. Yes, he might be the crazy controlling type, but he might just be a nice guy trying to rescue her from herself. Meet him and assess, but don't assume. I hope he's NOT the control freak you think he is.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:35 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Wow this is very complicated. I would meet him, but out of concern for the children. As much as you love your cousin, there is really nothing you can do.
    LaGuera405

    Answer by LaGuera405 at 10:27 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

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