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Am I in an abusive relationship, or are we both at fault?? long so sorry

I will take constructive criticism with a grain of salt, cause I KNOW not so nice things will be said about him or I. LOL
I'm just at a loss right now.

I'm 8 months pregnant. I have had a up & down relationship with my bf of 4 yrs. We live together, he works, and just started online schooling. I no longer work & keep up with house and home. Im 28 & he is 24 (child I know). My friend just sent me a link and insists Im being abused. But while reading this link, I do MORE of what it says is considered abusive then he does. Friend just I do it cause its justifiable.
He has friends that he text all the time. has about 5 girl friends. One of which lately is the main one he been chatting with. every so often he would go out with one at a bar to get out. another he would go hang out with her cause He needed out cause either stress from work or me. Go to her home since she doesnt have a car (says her mother is always there). Now its a old friend from high school.. she came to fla to visit family and friends. she came here, spent the day, and they have hung out twice since then. Once with friends and this past one walking Daytona for bike week.
I don't trust ANY woman to do an email one sent me almost 3 yrs ago, telling me that she was in my home while I was out of state and so on. She is friends with his mother and sister in law so i cant get rid of her completely. He has history of having innappropriate conversations with these women. He insists that is all in fun and NOTHING comes out of it. Says I look too into it and convince myself that there is more going on when there isnt. I have "spied" in his phone to see what they chat about. I have seen some things that are wrong, but he doesnt tell me.
I got upset cause he wont take me out with him and his friends,says i make everyone uncomfortable. he wont understand my reasons as to why i feel this way. he says i sound like a broken record now. I look in his phone but rarely, tell him I dont want, or would like him not to talk to these ppl, I dont like them, dont trust them, and he said i have no friends but these ppl, im not going to just stop talking to them. I rather him be home then out. mainly cause they are female. I have to know what their plans are... so on..but I dont know if im wrongly accusing him or not.... I dont know what to do. I always ask who he is talking to on h is phone. when he gets off work and i pick  him up, hes either zoned or studying for an hour and then bed. I feel lonely. I feel like its slipping away. when he has ppl to talk to, he acts different. otherwise things can be amazing


i have a feeling most you will say that i answered my own question and wth am i doing still sitting here and not leaving.. I can see it now.. lol.. I dont know how to fix this. i dont know if its my fault or his. his friend wants to be friends with me.. said my bf is like a big brother to her... they went to school together.. he will not consider my feelings anymore. he said hes tired of my having an issue with everyone of his friends. basically i need to get over it... I dont know anymore.. im thinking of going away for a week.. we only have 9 weeks maybe till our daughter gets here...... (was NOT like this when I got pg)

im so nervous of whats going to be said.. oh boy.. if any in depth questions u may have email me.. lol cause im not on here all day... thank you ladies i do most these things

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • He isnt a very mature man, it dosent sound like he is serious about having a relationship with you. He dosent respect you. or your wishes, or feelings. You can stay and have nothing change or stand up for yourself and probably have the relationship end.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 11:14 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Thanks for reading it.. my typing was horrible and some parts didnt make sense... hmmmm

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 11:19 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • A baby isn't going to change him. You aren't responsible for his actions. However, you are responsible for your own happiness and teaching your children the same. YOu obviously aren't happy. I know what it feels like to stick around and hope things will change, hoping he will make things right, or feeling stuck. Honey, you are never stuck. No matter how stuck you feel, you aren't. Sometimes leaving isn't easy because you don't have your ideal place to go, but it's temporary. Message me if you need to talk. :)

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:28 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I wouldn't categorize it as abusive. It just sounds like you're not communicating at the moment. Something has broken down. It sounds like you are suspicious which in itself can drive a relationship to run. With that in mind the suspicion is coming from his actions. Why song you guys together try to go away for a bit and reconnect.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:30 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I should never post from my phone....supposed to be ruin and not song but don't.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:32 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I should never post from my phone....supposed to be ruin and not song but don't.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:32 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It's emotional abuse.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:34 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Your looking at his phone is the kiss of death for the relationship. And I do think you are the one at fault here, sorry. You may be missing out on women who could become better friends to YOU than to HIM.

    The fact that he is asking you to join them means there is NOTHING to be jealous of. Inappropriate conversations are the ONLY problem I see here... he needs to be taught how to behave.

    Abusive? Where the hell does anyone get that? There's no abuse here. Just suspicion.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:35 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • she.. invited me.. he rather me not go.. cause i make ppl feel uncomfortable

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 11:36 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Not allowing the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD to go with you when you hang out with other women, and telling you it's because you make other's uncomfortable? Where is his loyalty to you?

    He's been busted being innapropriate with other women?

    Sorry, but manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:45 AM on Mar. 7, 2011

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