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Would you care if your SO was once engaged to an ex you know about, but he never mentioned the engagement??

My SO and I have been together for a long while now and have our wonderful DD. Amidst his several ex's, only one ever was a problem- with her continual attempts at trying to remain in contact with him. He rarely responded to her,but just recently fully cut off all communication with her and I used to wonder why it took that long..

Anyway, just found out from someone else that they were once engaged (or at least about to be) and it kind of bothers me...not sure why, especially because I was married when younger (for two years- left due to abuse), but he's never mentioned this- and always mentioned our engagement as if it was his first...I want to ask him just to know, but I also rather not bring it up and/or have that sort of confirmation..

Is it stupid to be bothered by this??


Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Past is past. I wouldn't let it bother me.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:50 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • "About to be" really means nothing. It was before you came along, let it stay dead. I'vee had a firm belief for many years what happened before I was there isn't really my business unless he makes it my business.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It's entirely possible the third party is incorrect. Or that there's something more that you don't know about. Ask him.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:43 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • if you wanna know, ask him.

    Answer by -mrs.mamma- at 1:44 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Well theres a difference in being engaged and about to be engaged. I would just ask him about it. Odds are they werent formally engaged and he didnt feel the need to tell you since you are the first person he has been formally engaged to. I would maybe be upset he didnt tell me, but would want to hear it from his mouth what the actual story is/was. There are some people out there who love to gossip and tell stories that arent always factual.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:44 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • i know a lot of details about their relationship since we've discussed it at length (before, not recently)--which is why something like an engagement should've been mentioned, but i think he was trying to spare my feelings- this third party is someone close to him though so even if they weren't technically engaged, a ring was being handed down for him to use during the proposal and her mom referred to him often as her son-in-law

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I wouldn't care and I can't see why you need confirmation. Most times when we don't discuss a past relationship it's because we made mistakes or feel bad about how we handled ourselves. Rehashing something that is already buried seems senseless to me. If there was a child involved or issues that involve the present, I can understand. It seems his life is with you and he doesn't want to relive it. I think you should focus on the good and not worry about what doesnt concern you.

    Answer by chgomom at 1:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • if there WAS definitely an engagement though, is it foolish to care/be bothered?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • He may not want to upset you by bringing up old stories....

    Answer by MamaaSutra at 1:46 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • You shouldn't let it bother you - she is in his past. It's possible he didn't want to bring back the memory - my sister was engaged to another man before meeting her DH, she feels foolish for ever having been engaged to him and would simply prefer not to remember that she believed she was in love with him. Of course it would've been better to hear about a past engagement from him instead of someone else but I don't think it should be made into a big deal. You can ask him about it and get your answers if its bugging you that he didn't tell you but don't hold it against him. As for his ex's mom calling him son in law, its not uncommon when couples have been together awhile - my parents have been calling my fiance son in law for years before we were ever engaged and I know people whose parents, and other family, did the same with their SO.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Mar. 7, 2011