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Picking up our adopted 5 month old son up on Wednesday!!! Tips on bonding.

We're picking up our 5 month old adopted son on Wednesday. We've had visits for three weekends in a row and then gone to spend a few hours with him twice. My question is, he's attached to his current foster mother. Is there special things I can do to help him to bond with me? We are planning to co-sleep, and not use the Cry it out method, but just any ways to help the bonding process would be helpful! Thank you!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • Lots and lots of cuddling! Find out all his favorites - favorite way to be held when drinking a bottle, favorite way to be put to sleep for a nap or at bedtime, his bedtime routine, etc. Best wishes & congrats!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I agree with Anonymous. Congrats!! Your post made my heart smile. I would love to adopt!

    Answer by Momto2beauties at 1:52 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I adopted a baby that was not quite seven months and also was concerned about the bonding process and making the transition to my home as painless as possible for my baby. I made the decision to stop working for awhile first of all to focus on him and when I went back I cut my hours down some and my husband switched his work schedule around to ensure we were his only caregivers until he was three (then he started very part time preschool). Before he came home and when I was still visiting him at his foster home I bought him a special blanket and made sure I slept with it for a few days before giving it to him. It is now his security item:) I also made sure to hold him constantly and played lots of games with eye contact and tickles. I also made sure to hold him closely while feeding and did skin to skin contact which he loved. I also rocked him to sleep for longer than I will admit to here ha-ha. cont.

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 2:29 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I tried to keep the visitors to a minimum for awhile also and made sure that my husband and I did all his care. I know there will be lots of people wanting to "help" and meet your child but try to keep the baby close to you and show them that you are the one that can be trusted and depended upon. Good luck and congratulations!!!


    Answer by Luuckymommy at 2:34 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Knowing the current routine and favorites toys, blankets, etc, will go a long way. Also make sure to ask what the best way is to calm the baby when he gets upset. I'm sure the foster mom has learned a few tricks and they'll come in handy. Relax and enjoy the special time. Try to not to stress about it since your child may sense it. You and your child will bond! Congrats and enjoy!

    Answer by momofryan07 at 11:32 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Carry him when at all possible. No strollers. One of the baby carriers that allows him to be strapped to your chest, facing you works great to leave your hands free.

    Answer by Mom2Just1Kiddo at 3:40 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Mom2Just1Kiddo has a great idea. I didn't use strollers for either of my kids. They always wanted to be close to me or daddy. Carrying him is a wonderful way to bond.

    I think attachment parenting really helps with the bonding. When my babies were infants, I focused on relating to them through their five senses.

    Feeding time is a very important bonding time for infants. Try to make eye contact each time you feed him . . . your interest will prompt him to look at you and memorize your face.

    Touch is very bonding. A daily infant massage is always a good way to bond.

    Talk to him often. It will help his speech development and make him comfortable with your voice.

    You might also want to sleep with a teddy bear for a few days so that your smell is on it and give it to him to sleep with.

    Congrats and Good Luck!

    Answer by ARgal at 11:02 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Lots and lots of holding! Consider inducing lactation and breastfeeding. I did with no advanced prep:


    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 11:33 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Keeping visitors to about no one is key. Do not pounce him with every special friend or grandparent. Take as much time off of work as possable. Do not go out to events, parties, and errands as much as possable. Hold a lot. Touch, talk, and contact are key elements to remember. Rocking, feeding in the chair as you hold and rock. Do not worry about solids. You can back track a little if it means more feeding time with you holding. Singing. Lots. Hold and dance to music in first a soft way then slowly as time and weeks pass you can get more groove into it. Stories and reading - for the cuddles and the voice. Sleep in the same room - even if you are on tgevfloor by the crib. NEVER let this child cry it out. With each cry you are there inbless than a few seconds. It seems like a lot but attatchment is going to take a lot and time. Routine! Your child will learn what is next and take comfort in things being the same

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:14 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • When several months go by slowly introduce to extended family. Most grandparents get mad at this. Your first job is to the child. Not the feelings of the adults. Have them attend an adoptive counseling session with you or your spouse, while one of you is at home with baby, and they can feel involved. Send people updates and pictures to get them involved distantly. Don't do church with your child anytime soon. Everyone wants to hold the new kid. Have a no holding policy with the exception of you and your spouse. It sounds crazy but truly it is the healthiest route to take.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:19 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

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