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How can I incorporatemy"Soon to be" Twin 13 year old Step daughter into their father and my Fiance's wedding ceromony?

I am getting married later this year and I really want to include my "soon to be" step daughters in the wedding ceromony but am lost on how to include them in a way that will not seem too invasive of them (they are extremly shy around other people).

Since they are already such an important part of my everyday life (father has full custody and the four of us live together for the past 2 years), I already feel in my heart as though I am their step mother. I pack their lunch for school, carpool with two other parents, take them to sport practices, laundry, dinner and everything other part of their day to day routine, SO I really want to express my love for them and their father both at our wedding.

I have thought about actually writing vowels to read to them at the wedding and present them with a ring such as the one that I will be receiving from their Father to show a "symbol" of my love and promise/vowels but dont know if this might be to "overkill"??


My relationship with the girls has been a rollercoaster ride even to this day. But they are 13, so I guess its to be expected at this stage in their lives anyways and to add in another women in their fathers life has to be an additional attitude challenge for them)... I try to do my best at giving them the distance Im sure that want, but at the same time trying to keep enough communication between us during our daily commutes back and fourth to school, practice and church.
I have heard them say that they like me as well as that they dont like me but whatever their current feeling about me is, I have continued to keep a guard around my feelings and not my heart throughout it all so that I can be a source of stability and consistance in their lives by loving them and helping take care of them everyday Without getting my feelings hurt as much (Even when it can be the hardest thing Ive ever had to too at times).

Their Mother, has bashed me up an down left and right for the first 21/2 years of my relationship with her ex my fiance' and I can understand that I wouldnt be a warm welcome into the family in her eyes, but never once have I done anything to her that would cause such hatred that she, in the past, has expressed towards me.
I wasnt in the picture when they divorced or a reason for their seperation, but I am 17 years younger then my "Soon to be husband", so I have given her the benifit of the doubt, and always took the high road when she would attack me with her words..however, I did feel at first that this was like throwing a match onto spilled gas, since she would interpet my continued smile and lack of words to her as either me being scared or weak... I was just brought up different then her and choose not to scream and yell at someone in public, especially when their are children around and other adults watching... It just always seemed pointless.. In the end you have to not only feel foolish but then you must explain yourself when really there is not a vaild explaination.

The past year though has been much better. We are not friends by any means, but She has apologized for what she has said and done to me over the years, and thanked me for my loving and help taking care of the children, and even ackowledged that she was just mad at herself for the end of her marriage..(She was having "several affairs while married)..

Heres the thing:

I am completly in love with my life and all of the ups and downs that I go through each day.. I am so blessed to have met a man who loves me and who has trusted me enough to not only share his life with, but also help love and shape the lives of his "Little Girls"...What an honor I feel I have.
Sure there are times that I could literally scream at the top of my lungs over something here or there that upset me, but everall with my situation being the way it is, I am blessed in more ways then I can count.

I just want to let them know, as well as hold myself accountable to not only them, but also to those who are our guest at the wedding, that I am in this for the long road and that I am well aware of what I am getting myself into...:)

Just need some ideas on how to express it..

Any advice or sugesstions would be great!

Thanks so much :)

Answer Question

Asked by ART92411 at 1:56 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (44 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My husband came into our marriage as a step dad to 4 kids. We talked and decided for the wedding each child would have a role of some kind. My oldest dd was my maid of honor. My two oldest sons gave me away. My youngest son and child was my ring bearer. On top of that we also incorperated them into the ceremony itself, it was something I saw some place else. We had our vows and what not and than the preacher asked the kids to stand and give their blessing on our marriage and acknowledge this was a new chapter in our family and that we were all now a new family under God & witnessed by all our friends and family in attendance.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:04 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Ask them what they'd like to do then go from there

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:04 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • They could be Jr. Bridesmaids.

    Answer by specialwingz at 2:10 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I just have to say that you sound like you are doing a fantastic job with them. They're lucky to have you in their lives! As far as the wedding, I agree with admckenzie that you should ask them what they'd like to do. If they can't come up with anything, give them a list of options. Since they are shy see if maybe they'd want to be in charge of the "guest book" when people are walking in to the reception. I've seen other people include their teens that way since they were too young to be bridesmaids and too old to be flowergirls. And you could buy them a little present to show your appreciation for them helping you out.

    Answer by cege at 2:19 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Jr. bridemaids? maybe

    Answer by becky0829 at 2:32 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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