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Is my husband right for getting involved?

My mom, dad, sisters and brother are all either drug addicts or alcholics and my dad called me the other day and asked if he could stop by and see me and our children. I told my husband that I would tell him no but I wasnt sure what to say without hurting my dads feelings because the last time I let him stop by it was for 15 min. and he was not allowed to be on any drugs which he wasnt by the way he was acting however he wasnt really there to see us he just wanted to ask if him and my older sister could move in cause they had nowhere to go (because they have lost everything due to drugs). So I have the feeling that if I let him come over again he would be asking if he could stay with us since I just found out hes staying in a hotel but my husband is insisting that he tells my dad nicely over the phone so I dont have to deal with it. I just feel like its my job and would feel guilty getting him involed but he says hes just protecting his family. I just found out that my dad just called and my husband answered and told him why he cant come over (bc there are always strings attached when he wants to visit) and my dad got mad and said ok by and hung up.

 
LANDENSMOMMYlmk

Asked by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:50 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,456 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Yes, he did the right thing. Your dad may have tried, may have succeeded in talking you into something. He can't pull the guilt trip on your hubby. And, your family includes your hubby. Your dad, mom and sis are extended family now. You, and your hubby, need to protect your kids. Your hubby has every right to do what he did, being your dad or not. This is kinda what hubby's are there for, what we generally want them to do, ya know? You just probably are worried about the repercussions right now. But, your family has done all this to themselves, and they do not have the right to drag you down with them, which is what they will try to do, meaning to or not. Back your hubby, he'd do the same for you.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:21 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Yes. IMO, it's his job to protect his family and that's what he was doing.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:52 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I think its good your husband got involved, he said what needed to be said. I understand you don't want to hurt your dad, but how often has he hurt you with his drug use.

    choco_mom

    Answer by choco_mom at 2:52 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • In this case, I think that your husband does have the right to get involved, as it is his house and his family he is looking out for too. It would be nice though if he could discuss this with you and both of you were on the same page with it. You need to both be supportive of each other and a force together. Unfortunately, your dad has had his life, and had his chance. Now you need to put your family first, which I believe is what your husband is perhaps trying to do.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:55 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Yes - if it were just you and hubby, maybe not, but you have children and he has every right to do what he sees fit to protect his children, and you too in the process. Bless him xx
    Twinminator

    Answer by Twinminator at 2:57 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • i think your husband is right, he is protecting his children.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 2:56 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Good for him. It isn't your job to help your family because they've made bad choices time and time again. You have a family to take care of- and you don't need the stress of guilt.
    HistoryMamaX3

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 2:58 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I think it would be fine for you and your husband to tell your father together that you would love for him to visit you and the children, so long as he's clean, but that it will not be possible for him to do more than visit...ever. It would also be fine to add that you'd be very happy to assist him in finding help if he chose that.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 2:53 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I don't think he should have gotten involved and its ur dad not his, But if i were u i would have talked to ur dad and tell him how u feel about it.
    2boysyahoo.com

    Answer by 2boysyahoo.com at 2:55 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I think your husband did a good thing. He's protecting you and your family.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 3:13 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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