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How do you handle someone telling you "get over it already?"

My father was killed when I was 13 . He was a police officer who was killed on the line of duty on Sept, 11th, 2001 at the WTC. I tried to vent to my friend about it and i never ever speak about it to be honest. I just starting going to support groups now, 10 yrs later.


I've had 3 people tell me "get over it, it's been 10 yrs already".
I wanted to jump across the table and slap them but that wouldn't change anything. How do you deal with ignorance among friends and inlaws?
Not talking about it isn't healthy and if i don't vent I hold it all in and just get really depressed, being a mother, I can't sit and mope and lay in bed all day, that's why i try to talk about it to close friends, but nobody gets it. Esp. since their parents are still alive.

The support groups have helped,.but I'd like to be able to speak to frends and family about it without being told Get over it. [Family meaning not immediate, great aunts, inlaws ect.]

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Jersey_class

Asked by Jersey_class at 3:22 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (855 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Wow...that's extremely insensitive of them, isn't it? It's a shame that they don't have enough compassion to by able to sympathize OR empathize over such a traumatic experience in your life...and the lives of thousands of others. I believe I would literally say, "I'm sorry you feel that way and that you can't find a way to be compassionate and loving. Trust that I won't bother YOU with this, or anything like it, ever again."
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 3:25 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I think you just need to be honest with them and say something like "I understand it has been 10 years and it is still very hard for me. I am not looking for anything other than someone to listen to me." Although this may sound harsh maybe ask them something like "if you were in my shoes would you be able to just get over it?" No one who has never been there can really understand what you are going through. I think the support groups are a great thing and while talking to people that are close to can help, I think the support groups might help even more because you are talking to people who full understand what you are going through.


    Good Luck!

    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 3:27 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I think that anyone who has the nerve to tell you to get over it is selfish and heartless. Your father was ovbiously an amazing man who deserves a lot of credit. I think sometimes we need to seperate ourselves from negative people and take time to heal. Once you work on the healing...comments like that will simply be comments you can brush off because you will realize they don't understand and only want what is best for you.
    sweetiepie8540

    Answer by sweetiepie8540 at 3:27 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • That is amazing that someone could tell you to get over your father's death! How awful.
    I would just try not to talk about it with those who are unsupportive. That sucks if it's family but we cannot always depend on family. I am glad you are in a support group.
    rain408

    Answer by rain408 at 3:28 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • If you know they have that attitude then perhaps (to keep peace) you might consider not bringing it up to them. Your feelings are valid. It hurts and will for a long time so just share that with people who can appreciate your pain.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:31 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I am not an emotional person. Growing up with an Italian Police officer from Jersey as a dad you've got to toughin up in some situations. I think it hurts most because these are people that went to the funneral/ memorial services and saw our pain and you're going to tell me get over it? I just am so numb at this point I don't know how to handle people like that with out using some form of unclassy language LOL
    Jersey_class

    Comment by Jersey_class (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Wow. That's sad, that they think you can just get over something like that happening. If I were in a situation like that, I'd tell them to screw off. But that's me. If you're in counseling, I'd ask your counselor(s) what to do when that happens. I am sorry for your loss, and that people are being so mean about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • That is extremely insensitive of them. I don't see how they can tell you to get over such a thing. I agree with this....If you're in counseling, I'd ask your counselor(s) what to do when that happens, Answer by Anonymous.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 3:39 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • You have to educate them darling. Ignorance is born of ignorance and perpetuated by an unwillingness to learn and a laziness to work for a future ~ forgive them their ignorance just once.
    You 'get over' being cut off in traffic or a bad relationship or day but you don't get over a tragedy, such as this, that changes your life, alters the way you think and warps what was your reality; you learn to live what IS your life now, to deal with what your reality has become and to move forward in spite of it all. What happened that day happened to the entire United States, but what was lost that day was ties that cannot be mended. Lives were unraveled by hatred and pieces of people were ripped away, what remains is a raw, exposed and painful existence for the family's of those who didn't come home. Grief has no clock or calender
    Let no one devalue who you've become or allow no one to ask you to compromise the speed at which you heal.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 3:52 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Wow! that is terrible...I am so sorry you have such insensitive and ignorant people around you....you never "get over" a death, you just learn day by day how to live with the loss...I can't even tell you how to deal with these people because I didnt know anyone could be so cold and callous....I think that your counceling is your best bet to get it off your chest...again I'm sorry about your loss and your situation
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 3:53 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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