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2 Bumps

Would you be upset?

My husband and his sister had a fight. During the fight his sister told him he was a bad parent and that she will never come to his house for anything so don't bother inviting her. So, my husband and his sister stopped talking. This was in December.

Our daughter's birthday party was Saturday. We did not invite his sister... see reasons above. She just shows up.. never called. She walks in univited. She mumbles hi while looking at her cell phone. She wouldn't make eye contact with me. I then said, Hi S." She looks up from her phone and says, " I just said hi to everyone."... and walks into the other room. Her mother (my MIL) comes out of the other room. I said to her "so S. came?" She says, "well she wanted to see the kids" I told my husband how his sister snapped at me and came to the party univited after saying a lot of hurtful things.

Later that night my husband calls his mom (my MIL) to tell her how upset we were that his sister just showed up and snapped. His mother says she was nice to everyone and it was very courageous for her to show up at the party.. and that we took her comments
(see above) the wrong way.

I am still very upset by this. I just don't understand why she didn't call ahead to smooth out stuff with her brother (my husband) and why she snapped at me? Why my MIL is ok with it all, and is twisting it around on my husband. If she wanted to see the kids why didn't she use another time then our daughter's second birthday?

Would you be upset? How would you handle it?

Answer Question
 
CSJMommy3

Asked by CSJMommy3 at 9:03 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (209 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • it sounds to me like she wanted to see the kids and is embarrassed and too proud to outright apologize for what happened in dec. i'm not saying that's the right way to go about it, but i think that's what happened. i would give her a second chance....it sounds like she didn't make a scene, that's why i think she showed up to make amends rather than to create drama. some people are just pig-headed and don't like to apologize, but they know they're wrong that's why they're embarrassed. that's what i get from what you just described.

    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:10 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I would be upset but there really isn't much you can do about it now. I would see if DH would be interested in talking with her though. Long enough to tell her how disrespectful that she is and how she wasn't invited for a reason and if she can apologize then maybe it will be fine.

    If she doesn't, you will have to let it go and be the bigger person for it.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:11 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It was your home and your daughter's birthday - it was not couragous of her to show up, it was rude. I would let your MIL know she is not allowed to invite people to your home, you can take care of that yourself.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:20 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • No one is gonna stay long that snaps at me in my home. SIL was wrong and MIL is wrong.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:21 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I would have asked her to leave my home after showing up uninvited.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:22 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • Life is short, yes, she acted poorly, but you are better than that. It was nice that she put herself out there for your kids. Take her immaturity with a grain of salt and move on. There is nothing worse than family feuds, especially with kids involved. Sure, you have a right to be upset, but I'm really not sure its worth it. Just remember that people's reactions have everything to do with themselves and nothing to do with you, maybe don't take it so personally, she probably felt like an ass and isn't a good apologizer, if that is a word, lol.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 9:34 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I think you should have been the bigger person and invited her in the first place. If she chose not to come then so be it. I would not be that upset by her showing up. Hurtful things can be said when people are angry, some people are worse at it than others. I would just work on fixing your relationship and not dwell on what happened.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 9:37 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I'd have had her brother, your husband, remove her as soon as she snapped at me. But that's me and I don't tolerate disrespect very well. I would also have a sit-down with your MIL, your hubby and you and explain to MIL that the problems are between the kids, NOT her, and MIL needs to keep her nose out and not invite unwanted guests to your home.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:40 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • WOW.... kind of cool that its your house....... and MIL says awwwww she just wanted to see the kids.........walk on in our home SIS,do as you wish..... I didn't know she paid the bills!!!! LOL.

    I know it sux, but U will have to tell MIL that its a respect thing and its your home. If SIS wants to "play nice" and ya'll agree... then go from there but ... if not let it be known the NEXT time.... she will find the door just how she came in it... SHUT...get out!
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 9:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • What she did was rude and I see why it bothered you, but I think maybe this was her way to try and make up with her brother after not speaking so long. Should she have called first rather than just show up? Of course. If she is sorry should she just call her brother and say so, or at least be big enough to say let's put this behind us and be grown ups? Of course. But could your husband (or you) have called and invited her for the sake of not holding a grudge and putting the kids first? He could have. If this was a chance for the two of the them to extinguish the feud and try to get back to being civil siblings then it's better to take the chance than to be pissed because it was poorly executed. And some families have it out and some families give the silent treatment for a while and then try to go on as nothing happened so maybe this is how his family does things. Doesn't make it right, but better to be happy than right.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 9:49 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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