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6 Bumps

Troubled marriage...feeling sad and alone

I'm here mainly looking for another woman in my same situation. We've been married 24 years, kids, dogs, the whole nine yards. The last 10 years have been a struggle. We are in marriage counseling and it has helped my husband to see a lot things he is doing wrong that he would never listen to my complaints before but the real problem for me is...is it too little too late. I really don't like him anymore and I haven't for a long time. I don't like him to even touch me when we're out in public. OF course no one knows what's going in our relationship so we have to play the part as much as possible when we're out in public.

Anyway, it will be seven years before our youngest is out of high school and that is the only reason I am still here. I don't want our kids to suffer because my husband is a jerk but at the same time I am so lonley and sad that my life has ended up like this.

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Taft

Asked by Taft at 11:17 PM on Mar. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I was where you are. I got the heck out. My kids will tell you (they are now adults) that you're NOT fooling them. Kids see and know a lot more than you think. I stayed in my marriage for 25 yrs. My kids now tell me they wished I had gotten out sooner.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 11:21 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I know the last ten years for me have been long now I have started my own company and I am moving on.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:22 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • i have not been married as long as you have been but i have gone through the same thing my husband and i have had a bumpy start. 5 out of the 6 years we were married sucked for me. my husband was mean and inconsiderate to me but only recently did i say something about divorce it opened his eyes to what he put me through we are trying to work it out. i still have moments were i hate him. but i think about what if, and i give him another chance. if you feel that you are done and that feeling never changes then i don't think that you should stay in the marriage for the sake your kids. i wish you lots of luck and i hope you can make the right decision for you.
    jfrancis91680

    Answer by jfrancis91680 at 11:25 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • It isn't that we're trying to fool the kids, my husband is gone a lot and that is how our lifestyle has always been. We lead one life and he lives another. The reason I stay is financial. I don't want my kids to suffer financially because we divorce. I'm a stay home mom and work part-time from my home so I am available for my kids and they are able to be involved in activities they enjoy because we can afford those things. If we divorced we would split everything 50:50 and I would need to work full time. That would impact my kids in a way that I am not willing to deal with.

    I had a divorced friend of my parents say to me once that if she had it to do again, she would not have divorced her husband when she discovered he was having an affair. She said it was good for her to leave the marriage but she struggled financially and her kids suffered for it. I think about that all the time.
    Taft

    Comment by Taft (original poster) at 11:28 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I can relate. I have not been married that long but I feel the same way most of the time. People do not understand that what you do to someone is edged in that person mind and would never get out with a few sorrys. For the most part he is nice but things he do causes me to feel so empty inside.
    dubewife

    Answer by dubewife at 11:31 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never been through it & don't like when someone is. I'll pray for you & hope you make it through this. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. :)
    MomofSteel

    Answer by MomofSteel at 11:36 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never been through it & don't like when someone is. I'll pray for you & hope you make it through this. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. :)
    MomofSteel

    Answer by MomofSteel at 11:38 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • I resigned myself to staying married for the next seven years, but then I have days like today when I think I'll never make it because the lack of intimacy, friendship, fun even is gone for me and I can't even stand to talk to him on the phone. I have friends who have been married a long time and they are still very much in love with each other and doing little kindnesses for each other and it just makes me cry inside that I don't have that kind of relationship. My husband was a nice guy when we dated and first years of marriage but then work became more important and everything else was put on me to do and take care of. I have too many years of resentment, arguments over why he couldn't help with the house, the kids, be at their sports, etc. I have no feelings left for him no matter how hard I try.
    Taft

    Comment by Taft (original poster) at 11:45 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • hugs

    sherribeare

    Answer by sherribeare at 11:52 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • If you feel that your relationship is too far gone, it's not worth staying in. You will both start to resent each other and the kids will notice that you act differently. They notice a lot more than you think. Don't prolong it any more than you have to, it wouldn't be fair to your daughter. Since he is already gone a lot, I don't think there will be much difference from where you are now. Do you really want your daughter to go through this?
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:53 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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