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3 Bumps

Is being unhappy with our relationship enough to just leave?

My husband and I have known each other since pre-school. We've been together for 4 years, and married for one. I am going on 20, and he is 21. We have a 3 year old son together. I really, really want to be together. I strive to make us work. Mostly for our son, because I grew up with divorced parents, and it always caused problems. I do love him, but Im so unhappy. I feel like we've both changed a lot since our teen years (When we got pregnant with our son) and we're moving in two different directions in life. For example, I'm trying to become a better christian, while he likes to talk bad about everyone he crosses paths with, he hates to help people, and he always complains when I do. We have "taken breaks" from each other several times, just within the last year. Where I go to stay with my dad, and he stays at our house. Not only that, he is emotionally abusive sometimes. But he just thinks its "joking". Although I tell him it hurts my feelings, and ask him to stop, he apoligizes, and acts nice for awhile but eventually he'll start again, and it only gets worse until I break down and have to yell and everything to get through to him. He hates showing emotion, even with me. He doesnt like being "touchy", which is a big thing in what I need in a relationship. Anyways, I have thought hard about this, even though he wont talk about it with me. & I have thought about how things would be if I left for good. & I think I'll miss him a whole lot, and Idk if I'd ever be able to "move on", and if he does, it'll just be salt in my wounds seeing him with someone else. And not to mention what all this would to to our son. I jsut really cant get him to agree to talk, or anything, he's always being mean, to me & others. He usually doesnt help much with the house, or our son. And Im just not seeing anything is going to change. & I dont know what to do about it.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • my babys dad was the same way and i left a week ago.. do you have somewhere else to go if you leave him?

    Answer by sunshinebaby209 at 12:14 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Let him know what will happen if he doesn't want to get on board and help your marriage out. Tell him how your feeling and where your headed if you guys can't come to some sort of compromise where your BOTH happy.

    Answer by CABlonde at 12:16 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Yeah, somewhat. My dad's house, he lives alone with my 15 yo little sister. Which he has a lot of problems of his own, going through a divorce with his wife, and dealing with my sister going through the infamous teen years. He welcomes me to stay there, but when I do I just feel like Im getting in the way. Bc I dont work, or go to school. I dont even have a car or my license.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:17 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Being unhappy is enough of a reason and it sounds like you have several reasons to be unhappy. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years as well, and on the day after our 4th anniversary I told him I was moving out the very next day. Maybe you should tell him if he can't open up and talk to you, then you may have to leave him.

    Also, a lot of people think that staying together "for the kids" is a good thing to do. Let me tell you, it is not. My parents stayed together for us kids and it was the worst thing they could have done for us.

    Answer by MomMom23 at 12:18 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • you both need to grow up first ten yrs is the hardiest and you need to talk to some one who can help
    do roll playing be him for a day and him you ,if that still does not work go away for a while think things through
    write down what you want out this marriage he does the same thing ,not ever one is cut out to be married
    it is okay that you move on and your son will grow up well ajusted young man no matter what

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:20 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • MomMom23 Its not that Im stayng in this marriage for my son, but I want to work things out, and have a better relationship with him, for our son and for our marriage. If that makes since
    dutchcanadain Ive heard a lot of relationships where people who get togetehr as teens never work out, because they need to "grow up" first. & I believe that too. But I have tried writing down specific, detailed things, about what I need in this relationship, what I think needs changed, or worked on, ect. But he never wants to talk about it, and he never writes anything back in his view. I figured since he doesnt like talking about stuff, he'd write about it, but nope. & Ive also left for a while, weeks at a time. To get away, and when I come back it's usually because I want to, not because he asks me to, or even tells me he wants me to. Stuff will change for a few days, for the better, but then after those few days, things go back to normal.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:32 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Unless you seek out marriage counseling, your husbands behavior will never change because he doesn't think he's doing anything 'wrong'. Counseling has helped my husband to be 'nicer' when he is here. It's taken months to see this change and he reverts back to old behavior when he screws up and makes me mad over something but on the whole it has helped to make him be nicer like he used to be.

    I would recommend any couple having problems seek out marriage counseling before you leave permanently. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

    Answer by Taft at 12:45 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • You can't stay for your kid you won't be happy either will he.Beilive it sounds like your already alone just not finialzed. Good luck.

    Answer by Betutah at 2:54 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • i feel like if its something that you want then fight for your togetherness but if its over even though you still love him you have to go

    Answer by ryahzMommy at 7:09 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • If you have somewhere else to go, take your son and leave. If he wants you back, demand that he goes to counseling with you. You should definitely get professional help for yourself. A psychologist or therapist can put things into perspective for you. You are very young to be dealing with a small child and marriage. You are not, however, too young to recognize and take abuse from anybody. It's time to take a stand and stick up for yourself and deal with one problem as it arises at a time. Your priorities should be yourself and your child. Stop worrying about what might or might not happen in the future and worrying about what has happened in the past. Good luck!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:38 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

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