Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Life on the rocks..twins 14 ruining my life....what to do...

Hello...Try to keep this short..Been with husband 7 yrs, married 3 next week...2 months into marrige ex told 2 out of 3 ( triplets) to go move in with you F#@@ father and me...At that time the boys made it sound like they were being abused so of course I said yes..
I got into an accident, I'm partially crippled now..yeah for me...can't work, my life is at a halt but I try to still do whatever I can and deal with the pain as best I can...
Now they are 14, we moved into a much nicer home, better schools, etc...the ego's are huge...both are special ed, but only one is I think semi challenged, but his dad or mom will never hear of it...snobs...high mantience people....Kids get into fights, one is mr. drama...the past school year they have become strangers to me...from calling me mom and loving me, visa versa, now they are rude, disrepectful, want full attention all the time when they are around from their dad, just know it all teenagers...I always could talk to them, especially the "normal" one...I always asked on a monthly basis, did anyone ask you to smoke, cig's, pot, drink, he always answered me....last time I asked he flipped out and said your just like my mom....defensive ....well, we have parental controls that pick up keywords, which led us to him talking to a freind about smoking pot...busted..his dad refuses to say anything, then he will know he's spying on him...okay, what if it said heroin??? hello!!!! do something....I have a 19 yr old that took the wrong path and I know, believe me I know and he witnessed it in weeks me and that son are finally small the other twin, the creepy weird but sweet one, just got back from their moms house, and per usual they act different..but never did he ever act like a disrepectful nasty child...After almost 3 years I had it...I told my husband so as well...We are trying to work on our marrige( He messed up big time, no cheating but close) and I forgave him and he is in thearpy, and working on it....because I love him...I'd never get back with anyone before in my life who even blinked the wrong way....But I have too many years vested in him, I gave up everyone to be with him....he's all I have...I watch him be a doormat to his ex wife, now to his children, and I just cannot take it anymore...I want them gone, out, back with their mother....She is a stuck up witch, but abusive, no...and now they say I'm just like her, and the reason they moved in was of her, then why stay??? cause they get away with murder here with their rules, regulations, boundries....what's good for them is not for us....What is suppose to be our master bathroom, they use all the time I had to put a lock on husband leaves it open at night due to it's the only one upstairs...I have to hear his weird child in and out of it every ten minutes all night long...he is werid...So back to locking it at night, so I get more additude...How do I get them to leave??? I told my husband with many tears I reached my breaking point...They won, they beat me down....I hate threats, ultimatums, but it's that bad...were so happy when it's just us, like 2 kids in love...and he's no youngster....I'm sick yet I feel alive when it's just blaming whats wrong with me on him, nothing...we are so very happy...then they come back and suck the joy out of my life....
SO I told him, no more..I cannot do it, I reached my end..he witnessed his son abuse me verbally and emotionally tonight, finally in front of him!!!! for once!!!! told him they have to move...he said no, they are not gifts that we can's all ego with him...between him and his ex...defeated , him, show her, I told him no judge in his right mind would ever let a singe man have custody of the twins over the natural mother who is remarried( she don't want them) then I told him I'd be so hurt and that would turn to me being so pissed off that I'd use what I have and show the judge and he would loose the boys ( I can't say what I have but it's not good, it's nothing a grown man should have) so he would be all alone and most likely worse off in the end....He took that as a threat...I told him it wasn't, just being honest because I know myself....I am here to stay for life, my vows this time around meant something to me, I forgave this man for something that broke me into a million peices.. He did me so wrong when I was at my worse...he still is working on making it up to me, hence we go to therapy once a I guess I'm just looking for some advice.....They are good when they want to be boys..but spoiled beyond the word....materialistic they have anything and everything any child could ever they have more than they want.....They are rude, stuck up and disrepectful...They are ruining my life, which is pretty much ruined as it is...I have spinal injury that can never be fixed, permanant..I can walk, with a cane....I have become very humbled..Thanks for listening....Peace...

Answer Question

Asked by twinhell1022 at 12:23 AM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • First of all, YOU, are the wife, the woman of the house...Your husband being the husband, the man of the house. Therefore, you must have your own house rules. 'My house, My rules.' If anyone who lives in your home, regardless if it's children, family members, or friends, they still must respect 'your home', 'your rules.' This is called 'respect.' And it sounds like absolutely no one in this house is showing you respect at all. Sit down and make some house rules. Such as everyone are to do daily chores, no matter what. Boys get home from school, do homework first, then chores...If it takes them all night to do homework, then chores are to be done first. Dinner is served at a specific time, whatever you cook, they better eat or do without. Make certain house rules such as curfew. If they are allowed to stay out till 11 or 12 at night by their father, change it to 9 or 10. (that always gets them).

    Answer by Kattie825 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • (2). Put there is to be no cussing in the home. No talking back to adults, no disrespect of any kind. Have one day of the week, probably a weekend day that all of you go somewhere together as a family..No exceptions...If one of the boys has planned to go with friends somewhere else and doesn't want to go with family, too bad. It's family day and everyone has to go. This type of outing is a positive thing, and even if the boys get attitudes and whine like girls they don't want to go, too bad. Tell them, we are family, and this is what families do. If they don't like it, move out. Eventually they will come around and start to be a family member and will learn a bit of respect. Put down as a rule that if anyone of the children disobey these rules, they have to go live with 'mommy.' Be firm, aggressive, don't give in to them, stay with your convictions on this. Husband dont like it, he can go too. If it don't work out, move out.

    Answer by Kattie825 at 1:28 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • My boyfriends dad cheated on his mom with another woman and ended up living with her. Eventually his mom wasn't able to provide for him and his two sisters so they had to move in with his dad. The other woman wanted nothing to do with them but she knew he had kids and chose to become part of the "family". One sister was finally able to move out and the women pushed the other away who finally left the house which caused my boyfriend to leave too. Now they are all on the rocks with their dad because he chose her over them.

    They are HIS kids and should always come first to him. You probably knew he had kids when y'all married so you should've prepared yourself. But since it is your house too you should set up rules and you still should be respected. Set your husband down and come up with house rules and if the rules aren't followed think of consequences. Just remember teeange boys are rebellious by nature

    Answer by ibelayni at 1:35 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • They're their mothers kids too, ibelyani. Time for mom's vacation to be over and for her to do her fair share in raising these kids.

    Answer by purplerobin at 11:28 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Thank you Purplerobin, you seem to get it..She is non existant, living her life with her new family, trying to buy their love and I'm stuck with the rest...
    They lie, they are rude, and crap all over us. I will not take it anymore. I printed out the step mothers irgths and added a few lines of my own words to it...Posted it all over the house..One on the boys is so scared he's going to be kicked out he's being an angel..The other still just don't care..
    I don't want to spend my weekends with the boys. I want to spend LESS time with them and more time with my husband..We get his other child every other weekend, so alone time is rare. As I told him I did not sign up for this when I married him..The kids lived with their mom, we had a happy life and quite frankly I would not of married him if they lived with him..
    remember, I am partially crippled, and can't do activities. I want my life back with my husband..they have a mom.

    Comment by twinhell1022 (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • You're very to a lawyer and see what can be done about getting those kids back with their mom.

    Answer by purplerobin at 3:32 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.