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Which way would you go?

I been married 1ST time for 22 years now, I'm going on 50 years old. I caught my husband watching porn starring teen age girls. This is not exceptable. If I kick him out he won't go, I been a house wife, no job training. I don't have a clue where I would go. What to do. I feel trapped. How would you go about this. At a lost, very hurt.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Nov. 22, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think (naturally) your first reaction is to kick him out! BUT, he deserves a second chance..I put my foot down in our house..all the porn, magazines ect..went out with the trash. BUT! You have to realize that men need visual stimulation, so don't thing he is F-up in the head..Were the girls of age? 18? I assume they were. I just fel that you have to evaluate the situation, Do you have a healthy sex life? Bottom line, Are you taking care of your man? I just feel that you have to keep them happy so they don't need that shit!

    Answer by sydsmom2 at 10:37 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • You're going to leave him because you caught him watching porn? Did you talk to him about it and he refuses to not look at it again? Not all men, but most look at porn whether their wives know it or not. If it's the teen thing... teens doesn't mean underage anymore... they can be in their 20's. It's just my opinion but I wouldn't throw away 22 yrs worth of marriage, not counting financial stability over porn. I'n not goign to make excuses to why he might be looking at it, but maybe you should just talk to him and tell him what you're thinking/feeling and see where it goes.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:51 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Don't throw away 22 years for porn. If you are in love with him and happy, it is not worth it. Talk to him, and let him know how you feel about it.

    Now if your unhappy and not in love, is this the excuse your looking for to leave him? Still, you need to talk about why your unhappy if that is the case.

    Answer by kscmbz at 9:55 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • I would leave. My husband knows how i feel about porn and he also knows that porn is a deal breaker for me.

    Answer by lovemybabys1106 at 10:23 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Install net nanny and a key logger and see if there isnt more going on. I dont think Id throw away 22 yrs though because he looks at porn.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:24 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • I think you are being rediculous for one most of the girls who star in teen porn are NOT teens and they certainly do not look like little girls so im sure its not some sick child fantasy going on.....You have been married 22 years and you are going to leave cause you caught him LOOKING wow y dont you just poke his eyes out!!! Tell him it hurt your feelings but dont leave over something so stupid, sex therapests say its very healthy to watch it in some cases as long as its not an addiction!! come on think about how silly it sounds to leave your your husband over a porn your not newleyweds for goodness sake!! sorry to be so blunt it just sounds really silly to me...........

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 10:33 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • really you wanna throw away a marriage because he watched porn! thats silly i can guarantee he has been doing it for years. dont worry..and lovemybabys i can promise your husband watches porn and just hides it form you, you should really be more open minded its not like he is cheating on you...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Most likely they just looked like teenage girls and were really adult actresses. Otherwise, it is a felony to view porn with underage actors in them. Other than that - it's just porn and a tool used in masterbation. No different from looking at a playboy magazine or for that matter, the underwear section of the Sears & Robuck catalog. It's just pictures. Chances are he's been viewing pictures of one sort or another since he was 13 years old. Masterbation is not cheating. It's something that all men and most women do from time to time. Tell him you know what he did but try to forgive and forget. You won't stop him from masturbating - only encouraging him to hide it more carefully.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 10:34 AM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • I wouldn't leave him for porn. If you feel so upset, and I wouldn't blame you, then maybe marriage counseling? If the porn watching is excessive then he has a problem, but occasional porn, I'm not so sure. I hope things work out for you. 22 years is too long to let it go for one infraction.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:07 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • You said for better or worse in those vows. I am not bashing you but I think you should stay. You have built a marital lifetime with him. Try to work it out. You don't sound like you feel confident enough to be independent but if you do decide to leave remember he has to pay you spousal support and you could go back to school and learn a trade or find your talent and pursue that. If your children are under 18 he'd have to pay child support. My point is that being untrained and jobless would be an advantage to you in a divorce court. He'd have to provide for you until such time that you could manage to provide for yourself or until you remarried.

    Just so you know I wasn't bashing about the vows thing, I divorced my husband after saying those vows as well but it was over abuse not porn.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:16 PM on Nov. 22, 2008