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2 Bumps

I need to know if any other stay at home mom feels like they have to be cleaning or cooking ALL THE TIME to "earn their keep?" I am not married and have always made my own money, now he pays for EVERYTHING and I am going mentally insane! HELP!

My children are 5 and 10mths and only the youngest is his, and we been together a bit more then 2 years.

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JenzAmomOf2

Asked by JenzAmomOf2 at 11:31 AM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,814 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • I felt a little pressure like that. BUT then I talked to my hubby about it and he reassured me that I was doing a good job and that the money he makes is our money regardless of how the clean the how is.... I'd talk to your SO.
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 11:32 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • No I dont think you need to "earn your keep" per say. Everything I do I do because I choose to do it. There are bad days when I do absolutely nothing at all. I am human and sometimes I need a day to do nothing. My dh might say something and I tell him itll hold one more day and no one will die. He is understanding.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:32 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • no ive never felt that way. granted i do my best, but when im tired or lazy i never feel like im "slacking". i hope it's not your dh that makes you feel this way!
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 11:32 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I hear ya! I have been like that too. I've always been in charge of my own money. Now he pays for everything. I'm not totally liking it. I do odd stuff on the side for my own "private" money! LOL! Cooking is great, but I can't seem to bring myself to clean 24/7. It's the work ethic you've developed... nothing wrong with that.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:33 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I've never felt like that, my husband understands that staying at home is hard work, he even says he doesn't know how I do it, that he'd go insane in a week. So he respects what I do as far as staying home and taking care of the kids as well as working from home managing our carpet cleaning business. I also sometimes sell on ebay or craigslist to earn spending money just for myself....you could always do something like that so you feel you have money of your own.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 11:35 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Sometimes I feel that way, but it's not my DH that makes me feel that way. It really helps when he tells me that he understand it's hard to do much when you have a baby/toddler attached to your leg.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 11:36 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Your job is only to care for the children. You didn't stay home to care for the house.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:36 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I felt exactly the same way, and even kept pointing out every last thing I did over-and-above, to try and convince him I was "doing my bit". It didn't seem to satisfy him, so I pushed myself harder and harder til I resented it and him.
    Then I realised he was just tired of me going on about it because frankly he really didn't care if I'd grafted hard all day or sat on my bum!!!! And I realised it was only myself I was trying to convince. Making that realisation didn't solve my guilt at not earning anymore, but it was a step in the right direction, and I'm a lot more laid back about life now xx
    Twinminator

    Answer by Twinminator at 11:37 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I try to make sure that something is cooked everyday and that everything is clean when DH gets home....I don't feel like I'm "earning my keep" really but I do feel very guilty if I slack on something from being too tired (6 months prego and chasing a 4 yr old around all day) I understand where your coming from though because I used to work (although only at a Yellowcab so it's not like I was bringing in the big bucks lol) but I'm still not used to having to "ask" him for money to do little things....get my nails done, buy a book, things like that...I also don't like having to tell him when I need new...intimate apparel lol...but I guess it's worth being able to stay at home with my children.
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 11:39 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • It is really hard to go from being financially independent to not. I've struggled with it too. I have 2 suggestions:

    1) Try to change the way you think. You must know the arguements about how much it would cost to hire people to do all you do (childcare, homecare, errands, etc.) And those folks would also get lunch breaks and get to go home at night, days off, etc. So you definitely deserve some time off from your current jobs on a regular basis, too (or your boss is a total jerk).

    2) Staying at home just isn't right for every woman. Many loving, wonderful moms are just happier and better at handling life when they are working out of the house. And honestly, study after study show that the kids of FT working moms are JUST FINE!!! Mom guilt is something you'll have to handle on your own.
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 11:39 AM on Mar. 8, 2011

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