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What do you think of trying for a baby before marriage?

I'm in a long distance relationship. We see each other monthly and have spent long blocks of time together, plus we are in constant contact. The relationship is amazing and always has been. He was planning to move here this summer and get married the following summer. We had hoped to time the wedding so we could move into our new home right after the honeymoon. Now...turns out he needs a surgery that most likely will make him sterile. I've been thinking about making a good attempt at a baby, we only have a month. He and his family are all 100% for it. If we do succeed we plan to rush things and marry this summer. I know I want a baby with him and if I were to accidently become pregnant, we'd both be ecstatic. But I wonder what others would think of me trying for a baby with a man I'm not even engaged to.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • In that situation GO FOR IT!!!!! obviously you 2 plan to be together forever and want kids and with this surgery coming up your plan for kids just has to be moved up a little bit. HAPPY CONCEIVING MOMMY!!!

    Answer by lashes325 at 3:31 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • If you are serious about getting married then I would just go to the court house and get married. Have your big wedding whenever you want. I would want commitment from a man before having a baby with him and to me, just talking about it is not commitment.

    Answer by JamieLK at 3:31 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • So i went back and read you Oct. post and i am so sorry. I completely understand what your going through. My only advice is counseling.
    Good Luck

    Answer by klhoe at 3:31 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Who cares what other people think? Sounds like you definitely have some extenuating circumstances which would make sense to try, HOWEVER- it would be foolish not to think about the serious precautions and what it means to have a child and a family-- if you guys have truly thought about it and discussed it, coming to the conclusion that it's something you'll both work very hard at- than i think it makes sense. No one will know except for you two, good luck!!

    (just fyi- sex every day isn't as good as every 4+ days when you're trying to get pregnant- random fact i got off discovery channel once! ha)

    Answer by lexi8622 at 3:32 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Assuming this whole story is on the up and up, no offense, but it sounds a little strange, but let's say all is as you say....the chances of getting pregnant the first month you try is very slim. Why not bank his sperm for the future, that makes the absolute most sense. I'm not sure why a young (I assume) man, who is going to be sterile by some mysterious surgery in one month would not want to do this anyway, regardless of your plans together.

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:32 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • if you love him and you want children and this is your only chance go for it. you dont have to be married to have a long as the parents are and always will be there for the child nothing else matters and plus yall will be getting married soon so it really doesnt matter. and if that is what you want to do then do make your own decisions

    Answer by hismommy6509 at 3:32 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I think before marriage you need to focus on each other and your relationship... everything changes once a baby is in the picture and you don't have nearly as much time to focus on your relationship.
    Have you considered saving his sperm and attempting IVF later?

    Answer by elizabiza at 3:32 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • yeah i agree with jamieLK up there as well talking about it is one thing... go get a marriage license and have the ceremoy another time... check out free wednesday at the courthouse!!!

    Answer by lashes325 at 3:35 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Why don't you talk to a doctor about saving his sperm or something because the chances of getting pregnant within a month is very slim. And what if you decide that you want more children with him after you get married? You're gonna need that sperm saved!

    Answer by Namaste17 at 3:42 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • WAIT!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

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