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What are some marital tricks/methods you use to get past hurt feelings?

Besides counseling, what are some things you & your spouse do to work past hurtful things said or done to the other? (not big stuff like cheating or abuse), but the aggravating stuff that gets said?


Asked by mrsmom110 at 3:54 PM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • Unfortunatly the way I deal with my feelings being hurt is I usually shut down (silent treatment) or I raise my voice...terrible I know but I'm not perfect....what I've been learning to do is to remove myself from him for an hour or so to see if I am even justified in having my feelings hurt then I come back and talk calmly about what he said/did and how that made me feel....we kind of went through this last night...he asked me something (damn I don't even remember what it was now lol) and when I told him I didnt know he kind of scoffed at me and was like "How do you not KNOW that???" my first reaction was to yell "I don't know EVERY damn thing Rich!...there's alot of shit you don't know but I don't ridicule you about it!" Later when I calmed down I explained to him how his tone of voice upset me....he apologized and we both moved on......hmmmm I don't think I really answered your question did I? lol

    Answer by Lucky209 at 4:10 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • If it is hurtful things that were said at that moment. I would (past tense since my husband and I do our utmost best to not say hurtful things to one another or say things we do not mean out of anger) immediately voice my feelings, why I felt the way I did, how the way I felt was affecting me/my view of him/our relationship, and discuss a better way to voice thoughts/opinions ( here's the biggie.Be willing to listen/understand/support him when HE felt that way as well).

    If it is stuff from the past. I ask myself "What good does focusing on this, rehashing this, do for me?" "What does it help? "How does it hurt?" Most times, I realized that whatever it was I was still stewing over, was a pointless thing to be stewing over. If My husband said something 3 years ago that hurt my feelings, why stew over it now, what good comes from that. None actually, it just causes me to dredge up hurt feelings, and be pissy about them.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:06 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I usually think of this old couple I saw in Costco one time. I was minding my own business in the fruit section when I heard the loudest screechy-scream ever, "RALPHIE! RALPHIE!" I thought for sure there was an old woman having an emergency, so I started riunning toward the noise. Lo and behold, from the other aisle, cane's in Ralphie who is muttering, "For Pete's Sake, I said I'd be right back," in the grouchiest voice I have ever heard. They reunited and continued to shop unaffected.

    So, whenever my husband and I are having not-so-serious, but annoying problems, I think of that couple, remind myslef that we are becoming them, and have a good 'ole laugh at my loud self and my grouchy husband.


    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:59 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Calmly telling him how what he said made me feel. Although usually one of us escalates our tone and it becomes an argument. Maybe praising him when he does things or says things the right way?

    Answer by sydash11 at 3:58 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • (I have learned this from counseling) When you have your feelings hurt you need to be able to sit down and express that your feelings are hurt and why while the other person in not allowed to interrupt or try to fix it, they are only allowed to listen. Listening being the key word here because most people just want their feelings heard. And then the other person can do the same thing. This type of emotional expression can actually bring you closer together as long as both of you are on board.

    Answer by Namaste17 at 4:01 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Lucky209: No you did just fine. You sound a lot like me when it comes to dealing w/ things too. And ironically enough, it was just last nite that my husb pissed me off too. But I was tired & instead of fighting it out, I just went up to bed. *(possible new ques - who goes to bed angry? - well me if I'm tired & know I have to be up for work in the morning!-lol) So I woke up angry & know we will have to "have it out" one way or another 2nite. Yeah- I have that to look forward to!

    Comment by mrsmom110 (original poster) at 4:22 PM on Mar. 8, 2011