Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Dead beat dads.......Should there even be such a thing????

So I'v been raising MY child alone for the past 8 1/2 yrs by myself.

He moved to Cali. after about 3 mo. br />

Now my daughter is 11 1/2 and cries any time his name comes up. Shes convinced that she did something wrong and thats why he doesn't want her. He has made promise after promise even about meeting him and his family and never came through.

I've tried(like 1yr. ago) talking to him and telling him what he does to her is not right and he says he knows but keeps on doing it. He calls her MAYBE once every 3 mo. and in the past refused to pay child support.

Last year I finally had it with him and the state of Co. and hired a child support attorney. My thought is he is gonna pay for those tears my daughter cries for him! Normally i think God will judge, but this time I decided to give Him a helping hand!

So the Question is in the title.

Answer Question

Asked by comalita at 1:25 PM on Nov. 22, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I'm with you completely!!!! I have begged mine to fall into the hole I keep telling him about. I wish there was an island to put them all on. What gets me are how they continually get away with it. The baby daddy movie stars/athletes really take the cake also. Money out there ass, but do they dare help the child that they helped conceive? Nope!!! Our judicial system is such a joke. Me and my ex are in a battle again. We will be in court next year cause god forbid if the court system has time for me right away!! So he continues to get away with it until then.

    Answer by kscmbz at 1:30 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Sadly he sounds like a dead beat dad. I was born and raised by my mom and she was single most of my life. I know what youre daughter is going through because I felt like that sometimes too. She will grow out of it and understand that he was the real loser not her because she had a fantastic mother there to make her feel loved and become a strong woman.
    I do think they should be called deadbeats because thats what they are! Its too bad they cannot make some sort of database women can check into before they date a guy to make sure he isnt on it! My ex is alot like your ex. He has seen his kids 4 times in 11 yrs. Loser.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:32 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • The other thing I don't understand is the state will cry about how much they r in debt by paying moms to take care of their children. (food stamps,housing, sect.8.ect) Why can't they use that money to track down these dead beat dads and MAKE them support their kids. There would be no need for gov. help then and the state would save milloins. I'm on housing myself so I'm not downing it, I just think theres a better way! Support your kid unless your dead or on your death bed. LOL
    If I can do it, so can a man!

    Answer by comalita at 1:47 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Just remind your daughter about how wonderful she is and that it is his loss to not know her. If he calls I would tell him she cannot come to the phone then give her a few minutes to decide if she wants to call him back. My ex signed off rights when my ds was 13, at 14 his DADDY who has been with us since ds was 11 months adopted him , this was all at ds request, but still even though he had come to basically hate his bio he did have a week or so of 'wow, how can I be that bad that he totally doesn't want me?' Luckily for my son my hubby has always treated him as if he were his own son, so he had a dad to turn to while he was going through all the hell his bio put him through.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 3:06 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • He owes that money. That's why God created Child Support attorneys!

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:08 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • As for the child support, I think you are right , make him pay. But good luck, I am still trying to get back support from before 2006 when the deadbeat signed off! I am thinking of writing a pamphlet entitled 'how to get way with not paying child support' cuz the ba$tard has gotten away with it for so long!

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 3:09 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • I think the answer to the question is more than obvious, there should be NO deadbeat parents at all (and yes, there are deadbeat mom's out there too). In a perfect world all parents would remain happily married and raise healthy and happy children. But the fact of the matter is that we're all human and sometimes that means making the wrong choices - In order to teach a valued lesson on who she should pick to father her children, what I really think you might want to try (if you haven't already) is tell your daughter "you know honey, it's not your fault. Mommy made a really bad choice with the man she picked to be your father. He's a bad person and I'm sorry I didn't pick a better dad for you. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and make me proud by someday picking the right guy"...then give big hugs to her.....and then go hunt down the bastard and make him pay :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • One thing to think long and hard about - do you want this man in her life? If he's the kind of guy you hope your daughter never knows, then you might want to leave it be. I've seen it far too often that women go seeking out monetary satisfaction for their children's tears, and then the loser deadbeats decide "oh, well, I'm paying for her, I might as well have a relationship with her - I'm paying for my time..." - then a child who never knew their father, or who has a total loser for a father gets involved in the child's life and then there's crying visitations (sometimes long-distance requiring unaccompanied plane rides), and the arguements the kids have to hear that weren't there before, etc. I know you want to go after him, but if he's the type that best left alone, because you don't want your daughter exposed to him, then let sleeping dogs lie - not one penny is worth that sort of trouble for your kids.

    Answer by texassahm at 9:08 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • The interesting thing is that he does call every few months. If he truly had no interest he wouldn't even bother with that...he would just move on. Your daughter is old enough to have a serious talk. My suggestion: have a special mom/daughter night and set the stage. Buy new p.j.'s for you both, your favorite snack foods, light a candle in your room, bring in tons of blankets and pillows, and have a serious talk. The cozyness will help bring calm and intimacy to an obviously difficult conversationn. Oh, and bring tissues. Explain that you and her father were once in love and out of that love she was born. Sometimes adults have adult problems that have NOTHING to do with their child. I would tell her that her dad has some adult problems.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:20 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • cont..Those problems include maturity and responsibility. Some people have a hard tiime growing up no matter how old they are. Tell her that you know for a fact that he still loves her. Point out that he does call every few months - if he didn't love his child he wouldn't even do that. The reality is that some people, while they are decent people most of the time, do not make decent parents. Let her know that her feelings are normal and also share with her that unfortunately there are lots of children in similar situations. Point out that sometimes the dads are the responsible ones and it is the mom who isn't (you don't want her to be afraid of relationships). Let her know that there are many people who enjoy healthy relationships with their children and with their spouses. There are others who cannot due to things like mental illness, alcohol and drug abuse, and sometimes just plain selfishness.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:25 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.