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Affairs of the Heart

ok...10 yrs ago my x from HS contacted me when I was 26..we talked allot and I'd go visit and help with his daughter that he had full custody of. Things got out of control and we hooked up and slept together way too many times. Then 1 night when I kissed him goodbye the feelings I was getting were ones that were WAY more than I should be having. I told him I cold no longer do this. I had only been married for 2 years and I had to make it work. I know I hurt him and I felt bad but what was I to do. A few weeks after I ened it he called excitedly to tell me he had met a great girl. Instead of being jealous I was soo happy for him and a bit relieved he found someone. Then 3 yrs ago he contacted me again. We talked for about 6 months and NEVER met up except once where he tried to kiss me and I pulled away and told him I couldn't do it. My son had just turned a year and it was more than I could juggle. We remained friends and a few weeks later he told me he was moving out of state with a new girl. Again, I was happy that he was hopefully going to be happy again. I heard NOTHING from him for 2 years. However I did hear it was a VERY abusive relationship on her part. She mentally and physically was abusive and then would call the cops and he would go to jail!! Bad bad scene. This past Dec. he moved back home and immedicately contacted me. He told me he loved and missed me. I was in a REALLY bad place in my marriage and totally let him in. He had never told me those things. He would keep in constant contact with almost on a daily basis. Not only would we chat ALL the time but we would spend time togehter. The kicker? The girl he left was supossedly preggo and didn't find out until she was 5 months!!! So he felt bad and that he needed to care for her or else he would never see the baby. Therfor the plan was to move her here. GGRRRRR! He assured me we would always be friends etc. (whatever, she wouldnt even let him out of her sight). So anyway 2 weeks ago she claimed she had to terminate the baby @ 6 months! Which I find VERY hard to believe! A baby can survive at 6 months on their own. I feel like she totally lied to him and had to cover it up because she was coming up to live. This said she was still coming to live!!! Meanwhile he is still saying he loves me etc. Then all of a sudden he just stopped contacting me. Gone!! What happened?? I can't help but think it was something I did. Why start something and not finish it? I have always given him closure...any thoughts as to what happened?

Please NO Bashing! I have been in love with this guy forever and I was ready to leave....

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • Ex's stay ex's for a reason....

    If you love him back, then you need to figure out what needs to be done.

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 6:35 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • but does he REALLY love me?? or is this all a game to him?? It's so hard cuz u think it wouldn't be after 10 years but seriously! I did write him a letter about how I felt after I hadn't heard form him in a few days. I also told him that I only wish him happiness in whatever relationship he chooses. I really want him just to be true to himself. He hasn't responed and at this point and I doubt he will. Now this crazy chic is here and i ddon't want to step on that..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:39 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • My advice is to leave him alone!

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 6:44 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Thanks simplicity..that's how I feel and I am not one to stalk or call guys after they are gone. Our contact ws 95% him contacting me. I will ask why you think I should stay away?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:46 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Honestly, how he feels about you is completely irrelevant. You titled this affairs of the heart, but you cheated on your husband, over and over again. Obviously, this guy comes to you only whenever things in his personal life are bad. So does he love you? Probably not. To me, the more important question is, why do you feel it's okay to do this to your husband? If you don't love him, if you don't want to be with him, leave. Give him a chance to be with somebody who's not going to treat him like you are. HE is the victim in all this, not you.

    You say no bashing, but if you don't feel you're doing anything wrong, you're delusional. Your ex is using you, and you are mistreating your husband. The way I see it, there's only one victim here, and it's not you.

    Answer by Anouck at 6:46 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • sounds like old girl is back and got that leash on him again. Once the " chick got rid of the baby at 6 mos" HE SHOULD HAVE CHANGED HIS # and been done with her. What was the purpose of her coming here oops there with him after the loss??? that makes no sense on his part. where is his child while all of this jail and fighting is going on???
    Not doggin you , but if you planed on leaving when hs bf was in the pic... dont stop cause he's in and out your life now.
    call the jails and see if he's been arrested, call him, or ride by see whats going on. * then let us know* ...!!! LOL

    Answer by kkbird at 6:47 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • annouck, I dont believe I EVER claimed to be a victim at all...and as for my husband he is NO ANGEL!!! I am by no means saying what I am doing is right but before all angles are known I would refrain from unsolicitated bashing!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:51 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • kkbird, are you saying go AFTER him??

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:53 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I think kkbird is being sarcastic. :-)

    Leave the dude alone!

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 6:55 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • I didn't say you said you were a victim, and I obviously don't know what kind of relationship you have with your husband. My point was more that it doesn't really matter how this ex feels about you, you ARE in another relationship, and you SHOULD resolve that relationship one way or another before getting involved in another one.

    And as for your ex, I already said I don't believe he truly cares for you. You're there whenever he needs somebody to talk to or get physical with. When he has somebody else, you don't hear from him. So my advice would be to forget him, take care of your OWN business first, and then think about starting another relationship.

    Answer by Anouck at 6:56 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

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