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Long term care for parents in your home?

Anyone out here caregiving full time for your elderly parent in your home?

I'd like some feedback. Seems one of the sibs *thinks* I'm doing this for financial gain.

I took unpaid leave of absence from work. It's a job with no paid benifits- no sick leave, vacation, ect
all the household bills are going up...gas for doctor appts, fuel to keep the furnace running and house WARM, electricity for his oxygen machine, adult diapers, rx's, more laundry, ect

so, how do you handle finances/bills/lost pay when you are caregiver ? What's fair?
I am aware how much assisted living and nursing homes cost here in my area, and I'm considering it- just to avoid this sib thinking I'm either ripping off my FIL or getting rich doing it. Rrgh


Asked by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Mar. 8, 2011 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • When my grandma lived with my mom, grandma's SS check went towards the mortgage and other household bills. Mom was her caregiver, and not working at the time. Now a days grandma is in a home, and her SS goes to the home.


    Answer by KairisMama at 4:45 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Is your FIL paying you to take care of him? I would discuss the financial agreement with my sibling. If they want to take care of him then let them. My mom lived with us for 9 years and passed away 4 years ago this month. She did give us some money every month and paid for all her own medications. I didn't ask her for gas money for appointments . I was a stay at home mom so I didn't have to leave a job. Now it seems that my mother in law will most likely move in with us. I will leave the financial arrangement between her and my husband. I don't know if he is going to ask her to pay money every month or what. No matter what another person in the house does cost money.

    Answer by jcm62497 at 7:23 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • If your parents have long term care insurance, you should be able to collect a salary from the insurance company.

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:40 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • My parents are both dead, but during my father's last month of life, I paid for his medication out of my financial aid for school. My siblings made far more money than I did, but I paid. When my father died, my sister took all the money from his checking account so I never got repaid, not like I expected it anyway.

    How can you get rich providing care for an aging adult? It's hard, hard work and you pretty much cannot have a life outside the job?

    Answer by SnapdragonSMT at 9:54 PM on Mar. 8, 2011

  • Snapd, that's what I am thinking. IF I took his entire monthly income from pension and SS- for my own pay, it works out to less than $3.00 an hour. That wouldn't ever happen because there are so many things that have to be paid for in caring for him.

    I just want to do what's best for my father-in-law. I want to tread lightly around this bro-in-law. I want to do what's right and fare.
    My feelings are hurt that BIL is questioning our motives, and that he's demanded we account for every dime spent. (which I have done, saved reciets).
    My husband and I make the bills month by month. I didn't make a good wage- but it at least covered my car loan, ins., gasoline, my cell phone bill, my credit card, and even an occasional splurge at starbucks. Sigh

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:49 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • It it sad that your bro in law feels this way. It sounds like he is afraid you might spend his inheritance. Unfortunately there are so many cases of people stealing from elderly relatives . You are smart to keep all receipts.

    Answer by jcm62497 at 7:40 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • :::shrugs shoulders::: at myself. Bro inlaw hasn't offered to step up and do caregiving, and it hasn't sunk in yet, I guess, that a nursing home runs from my understanding about $4,500 a month. They will take 90percent of his assets until the time it's all spent down, and then when he is indigent, medicade will kick in.

    Wonders why I'm beating my head against brick walls :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:39 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

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