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2 Bumps

Did I do the right thing? My father missing out on my sisters lifes!

I wrote an email to my dad's girlfriend letting her know that my father has 2 daughters that need him (not including me since I am an adult) Since they got together he stopped paying my mother child support and told her he would pay her if she stopped the child support going after him. He lives this upper class life with this new woman and eats out all the time, buy designer clothes, and go out to events. While my mom struggles to raise a 12 and 17 year old alone. I tried to contact my dad he would not write back so I decided to let his girlfriend know. Before he met her he spent a lot of time with my sisters and called all of us often. He hasn't called my sister in a month and has not called me in 2 months. I was in the hospital for a week having my gallbladder removed in Jan. he did not even come to visit me and they live 2 hours away. I usaully bottle things up but I cannot handle this anymore I wrote everything I feel he should be doing for my sisters and that it would be nice if he would visit my boys once in awhile also. My toddler misses him a lot. My father's girlfriend does not have children at all so maybe that is part of it. She is also a very snotty woman. Did I make a mistake sending the email to her?


Asked by momavanessa at 3:56 AM on Mar. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,503 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I don't think you made a mistake or anything. They're your family and you want to make sure they have the best life possible. I do agree with anonymous and think it probably won't change anything about your father and his actions. I also think that it should have been your mom to handle this with the courts, you shouldn't have to feel that it's your responsibility, but I also think that you're a very compassionate and caring person to take this burden on yourself. Just beware, the girlfriend(if she writes back at all) might not send the nicest letter/email. Not saying she definitely won't but if she can be with a man who treats his children this way then I don't think she cares at all and is enjoying her lifestyle with him as is and probably won't have the decency to try and understand what you and your sisters are going through. Hopefully your father will man up, but if I were you I wouldn't hold my breath.

    Answer by Mamapunkin21809 at 4:21 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • nope, she needs to know, your Mom needs the help. but it i was your Mom i would re-open the child support case, he is probally making quite a bit and thats why he wanted her to stop that because he knew he would be screwed. its his obligation to pay child support, i would talk to your Mom about it, maybe have her call him to let him know that he has so long to pay something or she is going after him for child support. Good luck!

    Answer by jenn4443 at 4:16 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I don't think you made a mistake although I am not sure if he is going to understand or change just because of it. My oldest sons grandfather was involved in his life until he and his wife got divorced and he remarried someone who didn't like kids.  So even though I sent him cards, invitation to birthdays, and everything he still ignored us and now 14 years later we have no contact with him.  Now granted his son and I are not together so that is part of the reason, although my son still sees his grandmother.

    I wish you luck and hope everything turns out for the best!


    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 4:03 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I just hope your mom did not stop trying to get childsupport from his sorry ass.
    Trythfully, there is not much you can do about it. You already sent the e-mail? Can't take it back.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:56 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I know I did the right thing now. My mom did reopen the case and she does call him all the time about what he needs to do. He has a huge problem with lying to. So as far as I am concerned I am glad I sent the email to her.

    Comment by momavanessa (original poster) at 4:18 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Let me start off by saying, I feel for you. I understand why you did this.

    It's not your responsibility to tell your father to be a father. It is your mothers responsibility to contact CSEA about child support & enforce it.

    I personally think you over stepped your boundaries. This fight does not include you. You're grown & these children, while they are your sisters, are not your own. You're not however directly responsible for them.

    If you know that your father has been getting the messages but has not been responding, then what else do you expect his girlfriend to do? She hasn't shown any compassion or concern towards you yet, & you expect that to happen after writing her a snotty & pissed off email (regardless if it's deserved)? I don't see anything coming up of it or anything new happening, but maybe some more unwelcomed tension between you all & hurt feelings.

    If the battle isn't yours, don't step in the line of fire

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Your letter was inappropriate. She knows she has a loser. But she is getting what she wants so the H with you and your sisters. It is your father that needs to man up and it does not sound as thought he is UP to it. Your mom needs to go back to court. Your energy and support should be put in that direction. Help her take care of this.
    You are hurt. Rightfully so, turn it over to the courts and let them take care of it.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 5:19 AM on Mar. 9, 2011