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Single/ remarried moms...

Did you feel weird when you started a serious relationship. I kind of want to end it now, because I feel like having a relationship might affect my son and I's relationship, no more just us cuddling in the morning or deciding we want to have a picnic in my room and watch a movie for dinner. And I know things will definatly change if we get serious enough to marry, I just don't really feel like there's enough of myself to go around, and I'd rather give what I have to my son. BUT this man is amazing, he has the entire check list, I could see myself having a very happy future with him, and I don't want to lose him (no he's not around my son at all yet if that matters)

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gypsymama532

Asked by gypsymama532 at 10:41 AM on Mar. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,932 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • He is not the enitre check list. You do not know what he will be like with the child. After you are sure and comfortable. Involve your son and him a little and see where it goes.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:44 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I am remarried and yeah at first I was the same way. In fact me and dh broke up for 5 months. I really loved dh & my kids though and wanted both in my life so I made a check list of plusses and minuses and went from there. For me my dh loved my kids as much if not more then he loved me. Being married also meant 2 paychecks and not one so I could give the kids more. It actually ended up with me being able to be a SAHM (dhs insisted more then me) so they got more of my time.
    I think that before you scrap the whole thing maybe introduce them and take it slow. See how he is with your son. He could be a great guy with all the checklist things but end up not getting along with your son kwim?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:45 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • don't give up being happy for your son, you can have both and deserve both, i did it with my son, his Dad has never been around and i met my husband when he was 4, he did get jealous at first, but you just to remember to make time for special things with him. your son knows you love him and that will never change. I have noticed with my kids that sometimes its just the little things that means the most to them.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 10:46 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I guess my problem is that I'm not sure, not sure that I even want a relationship, and I don't want my son around anyone unless I am...
    gypsymama532

    Comment by gypsymama532 (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • You can still give this time to your son..... just explain to guy that your son is first. You have things that you do with him and at some time guy can join in too but your not gonna give son any less than your attention and that when son goes to bed then its his turn.

    You never know, guy and son may turn out to be the bestest together, go off and do things and leave you behind...... LOL
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 10:47 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • But tomorrow whom would you rely on? Seriously you can handle your son with care. Tomorrow when he grows up & if he settles somewhere else then you would be left all alone. You have been lucky enough to get into serious relationship. My advice: don't lose your man & one more thing I would like to say that we as women should think abt this before getting involved coz a man too has a heart....
    AnuMeha

    Answer by AnuMeha at 10:48 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I would not break it off with the guy if he seems to fit your criteria. just stay with him for a while, once he gets to know you & your ways in your home...he will adjust. Just don't move in together real quick. Let him know that your son always comes first. If you let his guy go, you may be looking the rest of your life. Moms have to be happy too. And, you don't have to compromise your relationship with your son. Does your son ever go to dads or grandma's house, or maybe a play date or sleep over? I'm sure you can find time with your boyfriend, that will not compromise your time with your son.

    I understand your concerns, but i think there are ways to work that out OK. I say don't drop him....you may regret it if he's really a good catch.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:49 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • If the man meets everything on your checklist then don't pass on what could be the greatest love you have ever had (not including love with your kids). I would say to take it slow with him and talk to your child about this person, eventually have them meet and then start spending time together. One day, your child will get older and not want to cuddle with you. They become teenagers and start living their own lives. So, you need to ask yourself, do I want to be alone or do I want that special someone to share in all the good times I have with my child and then someday be there for me when my child leaves the house.
    VJ11

    Answer by VJ11 at 11:04 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • well mama just take things slow dont rush into anything if you feel when the right time comes along so you can introduce your boyfriend to your son you will know it if your happy & he is a great guy then dont let him go just einjoy spending time with him to see where it goes goodluck mama
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 11:14 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I married my husband 3 years ago. I had 3 children already, and we have 2 more together. They did not meet my husband until he and I pretty much knew we would be getting married. Did things change? Some, but I'm a very conservative person and my husband is much more spontaneous so they love it! On Saturday mornings my kids still come in to snuggle, it's not weird. And there are times we order pizza and watch movies at night (not in my bed because I hate crumbs, but I don't see having a husband precluding that). It just means one more person to love your son, to provide for him, to give him a male's point of view.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:21 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

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