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I need advice regarding my college freshman. I'm not sure when to "step in" and how much to step back and let him go.

I have an 18 year old who went away to college this August. He went to college in Va., after an exhaustive search because he wanted to get a good education and play D3 baseball. His girlfriend (of one year) went to a different college in Pa., which he had considered, but it was $50,000 and we couldn't afford it. He started complaining almost as soon as he got to school. After much discussion, he agreed that he needed to give it one full year, because that was the only way to see if he liked it. He and the gf send several hundred text msgs a day, they IM on computers every night while they do homework -- it just seems over the top to me. I had hoped when he went to school they would become a little more "separate." When they are home, they have to spend all their time together (they did this the whole senior high school year). Incidentally, her parents are pushing this "relationship." Help!

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Vanz236

Asked by Vanz236 at 6:03 PM on Nov. 22, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • He is an adult now so I think you've got to let the relationship with the girl go the way he/they think it should. The only thing I can really see getting on his case about is if his grades start to suffer.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 6:05 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Yeah he is an adult now mom, you have to just let him go. Remember if you raised him right he'll do the right thing, and you will be soooooooooo proud of your son. My mom was the same with me when I graduated from High School at 16teeen. From there I went on to become a RN, I now work at Childerns hospital, and boy I tell you she was always calling my cell what are you doing? Were are you at? I would tell her mom I love you, but let me go you raised a very good daughter, I will not disappoint you mom. That day she saw in me that I was not a little girl anymore lol. I'm the only girl of all older brothers, but 1 who thinks he's older than me hes 12 lol.
    My2ButterFlys

    Answer by My2ButterFlys at 6:36 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • I agree. If his grades are ok then what's the problem? The boy is happy with her. Finding happiness is a wonderful thing. I wouldn't stifle it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:36 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • He's an adult. Time to let him make his own decisions. Like kabbot01 said, if his grades are starting to affected by it, then you might make mention of it, especially if you are paying for him to be at school. But as far as his relationship goes, it's up to him to take it where he wants to, and the truth of the matter is, he will do what he wants regardless, more likely then not. Let him be a grown up and trust that he'll make the right decisions. Step in if it gets more serious.
    sophiafarris

    Answer by sophiafarris at 6:36 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • Be glad he has a gf if he didn't he would be out partying with the guys screwing up his grades!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

  • I agree with everyone else. I wouldn't worry about it to much right now. Long distance relationships for the most part never last. They probably won't stay together for to much longer. I know me and my friends all broke up with our high school sweet hearts within the first year of college.
    babymakr

    Answer by babymakr at 2:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I think you need to talk to him about your concerns and let him know how you feel. In the end it is his life and he is an adult. If you are helping him pay for college then you might be able to use that. Let him know that in order for you to continue to help him he needs to pass his classes and keep his grades up. If he really likes this girl you do not want to say anything to negative because if they end up together forever you will never be able to take the words back.

    I have a friend whose son failed out of college because he could not keep his grades up. Instead of bailing him out he had to get a job and start working. If he wants to go to college now he has to pay for it himself.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 1:52 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Mom let it be,What the main concern would be that the college he is attending that the degree he is obtaining would to his best interest. Maybe the girlfriend is his only crutch for not getting home sick. It will work it self out. Encourage him to make friends. You said he was playing ball when my son played ball in college his team mates where his friends after college also. In fact one of his friends married a girl he dated in college & she went to another school.

    Tinkerbell3396

    Answer by Tinkerbell3396 at 10:56 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • If he demands to go to her school then fine, but he must finance the difference in cost. Just my humble opinion.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:09 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • yes, your son is an adult and you can not do much, but may I make a suggesting.
    invite one of you friends that have young children over your house the day your son is
    visteing and maybe; when the child is crying enough he would think twice about his life;
    and the future as far as becoming a father.
    bettyboop330

    Answer by bettyboop330 at 8:36 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

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