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He is my brother, right?

OMG I'm so irritated I'm about to blow a gasket!
Okay -- I have 1 blood brother ("Mat")... when he was 18 he eloped with a 24 year old woman ("Ruby). They had a son together ( "Jason"). Before Jason was born my brother and Ruby split.

After Jason was born, Ruby got busted by the cops and CPS because she left Jason and her other son home alone -- a neighbor heard them crying their eyes out and called police. When police arrived and kicked the door of the apartment down - Jason and his half brother were locked in a bedroom with bottle of sour milk all over and bowls of cherrios scattered around. Both kids were taken from her.

Jason was 9 months old and was brought to my parents. After a court battle, my parents got full custody of Jason. After that and thru Jason's life, Ruby would show up every few years talking all dreamy and promising Jason the pie in the sky. Always telling him that "next weekend" she was coming to get him to live with her forever. She wouldn't come back for him and it would be a couple years before she would show up again.

He has been with my family since he was 9 months old.... I was 13 at the time. He was raised AS MY BROTHER. He called my parents Mom and Dad and all of us girls ( of us) was sisters to him.

Now he's 23 and has a child of his own - Ruby is trying to come back in the picture again. (BTW - neither of her kids were ever given back to her - her family raised the other boy).

Anyhow, of course Jason and I are on FB together and after months of repeated friend requests, he decided to add her. That didn't last long before she was berating him openly on FB, calling him every name in the book, telling him he was a sorry piece of shit, etc., stole his FB password and used his own account to cuss out his wife -- I had to step in and fix the account for him and get all her BS taken off. Even then I wasn't mean to her. I sent her an email and VERY diplomatically explained to her that "THIS is not the way we treat our children when we disagree with them".... she chilled for a while.

Now all of a sudden I get email from her (thru FB) cussing me out, telling me that he is NOT my brother, and that I am confusing his daughter..... I am thinking - "How is that?.... if Jason is my brother, then I am his child's aunt AND if Jason is my nephew, then I am his child's aunt also.... so I'm Auntie Shelby either way"....

Jason deleted all of her cussing comments towards me off of his FB and then deleted her as his friend....to which *I* got another cussing out email from her - and ALL of her mean, hateful venom starts with "I"m not trying to be mean, but...." -- yeah right and a slanted-eyed snake with fangs don't inject poison when they bite!

Suddenly it's my family's fault that she doesn't have a relationship with Jason - now she claims that he is brainwashed - now she says that we kept him from her - now she claims that she always tried to get him back - however there's not now, nor has there ever been ONE SINGLE court petition filed on her behalf to get her kids back. And we didn't live far from her - she had the capacity to drive up in the driveway any day of the week. She had the capacity to get her ass off drugs and go to parenting classes or do whatever she had to do to get him (and her other son) back -- it was her decision to only show up every few years for a couple hours then disappear again.

I'm normally a peaceful person - but I'm getting to my capacity with this woman. I feel like just going off on her. She's always saying that "she's there for him" -- yet, I am the one who pays his rent when he comes up short, buys clothes for his daughter when she needs something and I am the one that they send all the baby photos too and I am the one who gets all the updates on her growing, first steps, first words, etc. I am the one he calls weekly just to catch up with. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her taint the memories I make with my brother and his daughter.

This baby boy was taken in by my family, raised along side my younger sisters and is my brother. And I'm sick to death of her trying to torment him (cussing him out like she does me). I can take it -- but he's been hurt enough by her.

I swear I'm about to go off on her (thru FB - and that's stupid) My problem is... I know this woman is my brother's biological mother... somewhere in his heart he must wish he could have a relationship with her (or wish that she would act like a mom to him).... and I don't want to be any part of causing his heart to hurt, and I'm afraid that me jumping right in the middle of her shit and kicking her teeth out (metaphorically) is gonna cause him hurt.

Answer Question
 
ShelbyShareAlot

Asked by ShelbyShareAlot at 11:37 AM on Mar. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,281 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You both have already unfriended her on FB. Block her emails. Then let it go.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:40 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • You all just need to block her.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 11:40 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • He may be your brother because you were raised like that, but that unfortunatly is still his mom.

    Not mom like your mom, because I believe a real mom is there through thick and thin, and so on..
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:41 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I would just vent to family and friends and don't give her the time of day she doesn't deserve it! Block her on facebook! g/l!
    Ambie0526

    Answer by Ambie0526 at 11:41 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • What she said^
    Saya

    Answer by Saya at 11:43 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Just cut off all ties. Block her emails, block her Facebook, block her phone calls (if she tries to call). Eventually she will get the hint. She chose the life she made, she has no one to blame but herself.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:47 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I agree... both you need to block her.... then tell her what you REALLY THINK AND EMAIL BACK TO HER, and BLOCK her completely
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:53 AM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • We have already done that once and she created a new, fake FB -- actually added a couple of my friends and sent me a friend request under the guise of playing the zoo game that I play..... about a week later.... I get another "I don't mean to be mean, but...." email from this new friend...... immediately I knew it was her from the cussing she was giving me because Jason deleted her and wouldn't answer her friend requests. I asked my brother if this person sent him a friend request too.... and yep, she did. He hadn't accepted it. We've actually been battling with this freakazoid for about 5 months now.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Comment by ShelbyShareAlot (original poster) at 12:24 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Yep, sever all ties! She has some serious brain chemistry problems going on. Don't poke the snake with a sharp stick by responding with an email. If she doesn't get the message in a few more months, then consider a restraining order. Granted, that could be the sharp stick, but I would base it on whether or not she's actually trying to harm my family, or just flapping her gums at them. I don't think it really matters whether you are his aunt or his sister, the point is, you are FAMILY. You clearly love him and him you. How lucky you are! Focus on that and ignore the hell out of her!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 12:42 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Make her air,its what i have had to do with alot of family.Sad you can pick your friends but not your family.Just let her be air.If you see her in public she is air you do not know her.Tough love in reverse.It helps keep me sane.My own mother wrote me off 9 years ago.And i am doing great.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 12:44 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

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