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Two in one, newbie here, 18 yo bio son, will not get passing grades freshman year, why? He saw his sb do this and was humilitated and kicked out of the house. #2SD almost 18 that i have raised for 11 years only wants DH and teachers to do anything for her, has threatened me by saying does DH KNOW your talking to me? what's up?

over the years (11) sd bio mom has been in another country, although now talk to her on facebook. Motherinlaw (deceased), to include, 3 aunts, have made my life miserable, by telling dh that i place my children above them. Isn't it somewhat normal to take more more your own than steps? But our first christmas I was told that more would be spent on ss than my own. Then progressively more stupid things happened, so by now I am thinking and probably answering my own question, dh has enable sd to treat me like crap?

I don't understand my own son, youngest in college, watched ss flunk first year of college, next year flunked in a community college. He wants to be there, says it is hard, but I know he is not trying, why?

Answer Question

Asked by step11 at 4:21 PM on Mar. 9, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Do you want to leave the marriage? Will it change when the children are all gone?
    What is the purpose to your life? Where is your future going to take you?

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:26 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • I do want to stay married, this is my third marriage of 11 years each! I really don't want to start over again, esp , since they are all grown, but i see horror stories of later years from ss, so I can't answer the second question until it is here. I ask myself daily what is my purpose. I was in hope of growing old with him, and traveling, we are supposed to go to the bahamas in june, just us. I have totally disengaged with sd, to the point that i do not buy her anything anymore, her dad should, i have always bought things, tried to help her, she resents me helping. I saw a yearbook in her room, that i was waiting for someone to say I need to pay you for that, she just took it, i got ringed into helping her get clothes for senior pics, and saw some cute 80 dollar jeans that look good on her, and ended up out of my pocket $120 extra, that dh did not pay me back, so i left the yearbook, the pants are going to daughterinlaw

    Comment by step11 (original poster) at 8:22 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • this is the only time i have ever had sks! i should have stayed with the second husband! this i do wish a thousand times. I have to fix this somehow, that is what i do, but i don't think i can?

    Comment by step11 (original poster) at 8:23 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • A lot of freshmen flunk out the first year. Just ask him if he really wants college or to take a break and get a job? If he wants to stay in college then he has choices. 1. He can spend more time studying 2. He can find new teachers for the subjects he couldn't pass and if money is an issue then put him on probation which means he passes this time or pays his own way from now on. There are tutors to help him if he's having true trouble. Perhaps he signed up for classes too advanced for freshmen. He needs to figure things out. I don't think it's worth humiliating him and kicking him out of the house! Failing is a valuable lesson. I wouldn't punish him for it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:51 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • You know the answer to question 2 about the SD

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:51 PM on Mar. 9, 2011

  • Not every kid is college material. And some of them need a year or two of work to motivate them to focus on a career rather than just another year of school. If he can find a permanent job (not McDonalds) then let him live with you and pay rent until he decides for himself that getting a degree or even a certificate of some kind would be valuable to him.

    Give your step-daughter a bill in front of you husband and tell them one of them owes you and you expect them to figure it out and pay you back immediately.

    Of course the fact that you and your husband of 11 years have to keep separate accounts speaks volumes! Skip the trip and hire a lawyer or a marraige councelor. You don't need to "start over" (get married) again. You need to learn to live alone because you sound like you are really diffcult to live with and nobody is good enough for you. Who humilitates someone just because school isn't their thing?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

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