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How come??

How come it seems when I say what is on my mind in a casual way the guy I am dating makes it sound like I am getting smart or trying to start an argument? If I were saying things hatefully I could understand, but I don't.
Do any of your s/o, or dh etc., make you feel like you shouldn't say what's on your mind sometimes??

Answer Question
 
AmI88

Asked by AmI88 at 12:01 AM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,194 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • My husband and I have been married over 20 years and STILL if I just casually share what I'm thinking about, he reacts as though there was supposed to be some huge point to the story. Yes, I definitely understand. I think it's a guy thing.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 12:05 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Maybe it's not how your saying it, but what your saying or talking about. Men are a funny species I'll give you that. My S/O says it's my tone of voice some times that bothers him, not that I notice it, but he does. Makes me mad because I don't think I have a tone and I've been married long enough he should know me well enough to know me by now. Then I do get pissed and sometimes we end up having an argument over my TONE. That wasn't what we started the damn conversation over in the first place. MEN!!
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:13 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Yes, more often than you think. I think it is because he's not really listening to what I say and he goes into what I call, "an assumption mode." Maybe if he listened more often, then there would be less arguments. I do however tell him that he didn't listen to what I said, and I tell him so. Then I repeat what I say. Then he says, "Oh."
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:21 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • mayber he's feeling guilty...... defensive..lol Or that you think he may be keeping something from you.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 12:29 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I've been married 11 years and same as judimary dh gets aggravated when my thoughts leak out my mouth. Like the other day. My 10 year old made a mess in the floor and I told her to clean it up and he ended up cleaning it for her. And I said "You gonna clean up her messes in college too?" He got defensive, but it was the truth, I'm trying to teach our kids responsibility he tries to keep them little.

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 12:35 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • i love telling people this: be yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there is no other way to describe it.
    i've been in an abusive/manupulative relationship, be careful please. you are YOU, that's huge!
    if he doesn't like what your saying, f' him
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 12:39 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • always
    rAbella

    Answer by rAbella at 12:41 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Well somethimes my Husband gets mad when I say whats on my mind but frankly I don't care he sometimes needs to hear the truth. When I was young I was affarid to say anything negative to my boyfriends in fear of them breaking up with me but they said what they wanted so I learned to speak up.
    Heck my feeling on this is if he wants to go because he don't want to hear what I have to say then by all means go..and don't let the door hit you in the ass.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:48 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Dang!! :)
    AmI88

    Comment by AmI88 (original poster) at 12:52 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • it's not just the tone, that could be the reason, to him it may feel like a put down...

    write down whats on your mind and read it over, then see if you have put downs or accusations in there.. even things like, "is there a way you can pick up some of the house work?" can feel like an accusation and put down.. instead try rephrasing things like this, "hun, I know I've been extremely busy lately with work and have been neglecting the house.. is there a way we can work together to keep the house clean." it's admitting that things are out of your hands and you need help without accusing him for not automatically jumping up and helping out on his own.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:01 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

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