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9 Bumps

What would you do? adult content

Ok so the last six months of my marriage has been rough. My husband turned to an online chat software where he met someone and who he "married" online. He just left for boot camp this week and so I went on there on my own avatar and talked to her. Turns out he has been lying to me and to her this entire time. He told her that I had abandoned him and my kids (not true), she wouldn't fully tell me the truth on weather they had any plans to meet in person but he had told her about our kids, she knew when he was graduating from boot camp and a lot of other things that I don't think you should tell someone you only know online. I don't know what to do here. I love him. Even after all of this crap I still love him. Before he left I told him that I wanted four months when he gets back with no internet or phones or anything because I want to work on us. Am I doing the right thing here? I have been depressed for a while and was neglecting certain things in our marriage due to that. I know that I pushed him to this point and I am hoping that I can bring us back from it, but god I am hurt right now. And the killer thing is that I can't even talk to him about it until July probably. I just wanted to see if anyone else has gone through something similar or if anyone has any advice for me. Thanks in advance and if nothing else thanks for reading my vent.

 
vchristineg

Asked by vchristineg at 10:43 AM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (86 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • I dealt with the same situation toward the beginning of my marriage. I feel for you, hunny...depression makes it really hard to want to try. As for the hubby, I wouldn't give up either just yet...even though it hurts so bad that he would do something like that, he may have just needed the companionship. Either way though, lying was wrong and I hope you can get through this and be stronger for it!
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 11:11 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • If I were you I would probably take this time while he is away at boot camp to get yourself straight. Maybe you can talk to a counselor or a pastor or someone to help you sort out your feelings, figure out what you want from your marriage, and what you are willing to accept and not accept, as well as deal with your depression. That way when your husband gets back you have worked on you already and you can decide if the two of you are going to work on your marriage. But if you're working on your marriage he can't be "married" to someone else online. If he won't give it up then you might as well just wash your hands of the whole thing because you'll never be able to get your marriage on track if he is talking with other women online instead of talking to you. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 10:50 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I'll give you a bump...and wish you luck!

    boomamma

    Answer by boomamma at 10:52 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Have you ever seen the movie "Fire Proof"? Kirk Cameron's onscreen character has driven his wife to the point of telling him that she is considering divorcing him. When he hears this, he realizes that he still loves his wife very much, but he doesn't know how to change everything so that he and his wife can start having a loving relationship again. They have lost their way in their marriage. At the end of the movie, it gives a website that anyone can go to for help. I hope that you and your dh can work things out to recapture what has been lost. I hope this helps and I am praying for the both of you.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 10:55 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • well i havent been there but im guessing that if he said you abondoned him, then he's acting like he's single and has shown some interest in her. Since she wont tell you about them wanting to meet in person, there has to be some truth to that and thats why she's hiding it.

    taking away the internet or phones wont change a person but i do wish you luck that it will work out. Maybe he's just the kind of man that thinks he can have it all...marriage, kids, wife and some side action..who knows.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 10:54 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • sorry
    but i say let the other woman have him
    he will do to her what he is doing to you
    unless he gets help, he will not change
    he said you left him and took kids...i say do exactly that
    he said it as truth...make it real in his life

    this may 'wake' him up, but i am doubting he has it in him
    hope i am wrong, and he turns into a prince, but i fear he is a wart on the frog, and will never ever be a prince
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:06 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I dont' know have any experience from this-but he should stick by you through thick or thin, regardless of any depression or if you kinda kept to yourself. That's what marriage is all about, it's not always easy, and he should have fought harder for you, and not just turned to the internet. I would be pissed and probably not even work on the marriage, but i'm stubborn. lol gL!!!!!
    Ambie0526

    Answer by Ambie0526 at 11:03 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • i have heard of people "marrying"
    on myyearbook
    not a good site for a married man
    to be hanging
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Been there, done that. My advice is to get out now. Save yourself & your kids any further heartache. It takes two people to make the marriage work and you both have to want it. Obviously, he doesn't. No matter how much you love someone, you cannot change them. He made a conscious choice to start a relationship with this other woman. He lied to both of you. How can you trust him again? It sure doesn't seem like he is at all apologetic or remorseful for what he's done. So, it's up to you to decide what is best for you & your children.
    sarchasmicangel

    Answer by sarchasmicangel at 11:19 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I already plan on working on myself and I have plans to talk to him about his other "marriage" when he gets home. I appreciate the backup tho. thanks.
    vchristineg

    Comment by vchristineg (original poster) at 10:51 AM on Mar. 10, 2011