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Aggervating "friends"....

Here is the situation... give me your thoughts cause Ii dont really know my question right now..... so I have this friend ...she is one of my sons friend''s mother and since the boys were together often we became "friends" or rather I was around to listen to her crab about her life and offer suggestions, watch her kids etc When I really need here she is never there and a few months ago after I finally had enough after she dropped the ball yet again. I stopped calling or talking to her and moved on. She never called to apologized and only called one time to ask yet another favor to which I abruptly declined. yesterday was my daughters birthday and she called to say that she missed us and wanted to say happy birthday.... I let her and then she kept saying she missed us so I went into detail about WHY I was upset and that when you are not there Does that make you a friend and with my issues about her always promising things to do something and never following through. She apologized again but how many apologizes time and time again should I accept? she said she felt like I was divorcing her as a friend. is she just upset because I am not listening to her crab about her life? or setting it up so maybe I'll do another favor? She states that her kids (18, 15, and 8 ) ask daily if we aare talking again... my son only stated once that his friend said I was upset with his mom and I said yep! (I dont think it is right to involve the kids in stuff like that) and he never asked again and in the past few months he and I have brtanched out in becomming friends with other people and he is not mentioning this kid as much.... I am NOT going to jump into calling cause I really like how drama free my life is with out that every day and wondering if she is not going to show when she says she is! I just dont get this !!!! Thoughts?

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rebeccadac

Asked by rebeccadac at 11:08 AM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,737 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • It sounds like she is either a flake or a user...or maybe both
    I have known a few people who flake like this and it's about weighing what is tolerable for YOU and what is not.
    Would you be comfortable being friends with her but not doing her favors...or knowing she would never do one for you?
    It's all about accepting what is, IMO.
    I have only recently been able to be with friends who were so "limited" compared to what I give to a relationship. Then again, I am sometimes hard to get in touch with, I don't always return calls right away...and it's not from lack of caring, it's just where I am right now.
    I will say, sometimes, the not-100% together friends are good to have around, because they can be more tolerant when WE mess up than the "put together" friends or the ones who THINK they have it all "right".
    It's all a dance right?
    I say, just figure out what YOU can manage and be understanding about.
    boomamma

    Answer by boomamma at 11:14 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Yes, I have known people like this too. It sounds like this was an extremely one sided friendship. She really has not been much of a friend either. You let her know where she stands and she is not going to change. I think you are best to branch out and find better friends.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:19 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • If someone wants something done or suggestions to them ''only'', I'll give some. But they are not any different than anyone in this earth. We take control when we can of our selves, when it's in the way to do this. Nobody is going to like anyone better for a long time more than anyone else. My own mom has one friend who she is close with. It's expected since she had to help support herself most of her life, so when some term like ''friend'' is put upon people, we all tend to read the label as fix it person. I am a friend until someone says they aren't totally agreeing, than it's dropped. Let's face it some people can't even agree to disagree, even at a bus-stop.
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 11:22 AM on Mar. 10, 2011


  • You told her what's up, she apoligized so be nice and start slow with her... If she starts back with her old ways, let her know and back off some but you don't have to be close with her just because your kids are
    monshine2

    Answer by monshine2 at 12:28 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

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