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Depressed spouse

My husband is dealing with depression and I am at a lost as to how to help. He has a great job, we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter, and a good life. But he just gets so down. We've talked about him going back on some medicine he used to take, but he is undecided.

Any ideas on how I can help him? I miss having him be happy, but I don't know what to do to make him happy (and he doesn't have any ideas either when I ask). It seems like he never laughs anymore, and it just makes me sad!

Thanks ladies!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I'm also dealing with a depressed dh. It is very hard to see them so unhappy. Maybe you should try to push the issues of his old meds a little harder? Just because if he's had them in the past, it may be a depression disorder and not just a problem he has from time to time. My husband was in a car accident and is depressed due to his injuries, not being able to do everything he used to just yet. I feel your pain, hunny. Sometimes I think it's just as painful to watch someone u love in pain as the pain they're in themselves =[
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 11:15 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • My dh is depressed too, but he has meds for it, and it's now under control. I had to sit down with my husband and explain to him the emotional wreck I had been because of his depression. I felt he needed to see how his depression was effecting everyone, not just him. I let him know how it felt to be the only one taking care of the kids, how it sucked knowing he didnt want to get out of bed, it may sound horrible, but i made it about myself. How his depreesion made me feel. It helped a lot, bc he made an appointment with our family doctor the next day.
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 11:24 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I'm depressed myself & honestly, it's hard to find people who really make me feel better. When it's a more serious depression (which it sounds like your hubby's is), almost nothing will help, sometimes. What really annoys me most, when it comes to depression, is that most people don't understand, but a lot of them try to & they think that helps. It doesn't. People try to offer me advice that they truly believe will help - believe it or not, I've even heard: "Just be happy!" Most people who have never dealt with it just don't get it. Even two people who suffer from it might be completely different & won't understand one person's issue from the another.
    That said...the best you can do is try and be there for him no matter how he feels. Don't get angry with him when he gets a certain way. As for the meds, maybe he's afraid to try them again. When a med doesn't work...it can really turn you off. I've been there......
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 11:29 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • ...Ultimately, just make him feel like you're there for him, especially when it comes to him trying meds again. Try to make him feel like even if he has to try several different kinds or meds, or several different doses, you'll be there for him... no matter what the side-effects are.
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 11:30 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Have you looked into herbal medicines for depression? Often times they have a stricter dosage schedule (like 3 times a day instead of one for example) but if taken consistently can help for a lot of people with mild depression. Also sometimes men feel like they shouldn't or can't talk about whats bothering them because that's not what "manly men" do lol but urging him to get counseling might be helpful too.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 11:31 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • All you can do is convince him that his suffering is causing suffering in the family and he needs to get help... You and your DD need an healthy husband and dad :)
    monshine2

    Answer by monshine2 at 12:24 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • He should talk to a doctor or priest at a church

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 12:44 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Going through the same. It's not easy. It's hard to understand that you can't help or fix whatever they are going through read about depression. understand it not for him but for yourself. Otherwise you will be pulled into the darkness with him. Therapy is a must for the non depressed spouse. You might not think so now. But if he continues not to help himself it will cause strain to your marriage. No matter how much you are supportive. Best of luck and strength for you and your child.
    VeganQueenLower

    Answer by VeganQueenLower at 11:05 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

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