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I need advice on how to handle a situation..

Quite a few years back, I shared some very personal painful and humbling mistakes with someone I considered my best friend. She in turn shared these things with her sister who graduated with my sister. At their class reunion my sister walked up to a group to have gossip at my expense being aired for all to hear. It hurt and embarassed my sister and I have had resentments for this woman for years because of it.
Years ahead, I have recieved a facebook friend request from this woman. Would you ask for an apology, or leave it alone? I am not sure what is the right thing. I so would like to demand an apology and call her on her inconsideration but I am doing nothing while thinking what is the best thing to do.
What would you do?

 
LeJane

Asked by LeJane at 11:58 AM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 27 (31,523 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Since you can't really let it go, I wouldn't be able to either, I say to send her a message saying just why you won't accept the friend request. Say that she simply proved she is not at all friendship material for you. She proved that years ago. She has to know, she can't be that stupid. And she never apologized thus far. If she truly was a good friend, she would have apologized to you back then, but she did not. I think that once you get it off your chest, you will feel better, and will be able to let it go. KWIM? But, still don't accept the friend request. And don't ASK for an apology. She needs to come to you with it all on her own.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:26 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Don't friend her on facebook. I'd ignore her forever.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:59 AM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I wouldn't deal with her. It's obvious that you can't trust her
    vchristineg

    Answer by vchristineg at 12:01 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Just because someone requests to be your friend doesn't mean you need to accept them.

    You have a choice. Your first option is, before accepting her friend request, tell her of you inhibitions because of the past and tell her that you really need to hear an apology in order to move past what happened. Your second option is to refuse the friend request and keep on living your life. What matters most is whether or not you need resolution about what happened. If you can live without it, I'm guessing you can live without her in your life.
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 12:02 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I'd ignore her request and inbox her letting her know that she needs to think about the people she is talking about and that you did not appreciate her gossiping about you. I'd call her out, if she decides to apologize, at least it will be authentic.
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 12:03 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I would ignore her friend request. I wouldnt give her the satisfaction. I heard a quote one time about "You wouldnt worry so much what people thought about u if you knew how seldom it was"

    I know you are probably really hurt by what she did which proves she isnt a good friend. The other people who heard what she was saying may have thought about your secret once or twice but they probably dont think about it near as often as you worry about it.

    Just ignore her and if she ever says anything about it you can tell her you considered adding her but after her gossiping about you that you decided you didnt want her know your life, that you made mistakes in the past but it was unneccesary for her to talk about you like that. Thank her kindly for the offer but tell her you just aren't interested in being friends at this time.

    Kill her with kindness and most importantly be sure you forgive yourself for making mistakes.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:10 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • hm...this is tough. i mean, it's been years, so is it really so bad to be her friend again and try to patch things up? you don't have to be best friends, or even friends. just letting go of any time of anger or resentment in your life is always healthy, even if you're in the right. i have a really hard time forgiving people but i try to do it anyway so i can move on with my life.
    i've been through crappy situations with friends. a few years ago i was date raped, and i confided in my group of friends what had happened, and then a few months later i found out one of them had been telling people i was dating the guy who date raped me. i still don't know why she did that, but it made me livid!!! i stopped being friends with those girls for a long time. then i realized, they didn't really care if i was mad at them or not. it wasn't really effecting their lives. so i let go and moved on. i dunno if this will help, but i hope so :)
    ash.rob18

    Answer by ash.rob18 at 12:21 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I have been there with you. I had a friend who did something like that but it was about my husband. Never to stay the least I didn't talk to her for years too. I have talked to her since but my life is private to her and will stay that way.
    Rosesmice

    Answer by Rosesmice at 12:23 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I would have a hard time trusting her...and best to stay clear of her!
    officemgr59

    Answer by officemgr59 at 12:04 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Oh, I sooooo know what you are going through! Yuck. I have been upset with certain people since middle school because of certain instances where they have hurt my feelings.

    Then, I ran into some people who actually were upset me "ME" because I had hurt their feelings. You know what? I didn't even remember, and definately didn't intend to really hurt anyone. Sometimes, men have held grudges because ethey asked me to a dance, and I declined. They have hated me ALL THIS TIME!

    So, I have decided to let go of all my bad feeling towards others from school or young adulthood. We were all just kids . . . Now, I don't think I could let go of someone victimizing me or anything, but all of the stupud social stuff I have just forgotten about.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:04 PM on Mar. 10, 2011