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Twin 3-year-old boys are playing me against my husband - help!

They're holy terrors all day long & then turn into innocent, perfect angels who lie to my husband, telling him they didn't do the things they did . . . and he believes them!! then they proceed to behave perfectly while he's home! help!!!!!!!!

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carolmartin

Asked by carolmartin at 2:15 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • It sounds like you & dh need a one-on-one talk about this either when the kids are asleep or while a friend or family member babysits. He needs to know how you feel. What specifically do the kids do and why is it that he doesn't believe they'd act that way? It's really not cool for the two of you to be on opposite sides. It's important to present a united front to the kids when it comes to house rules and their behavior. There are things my dh & I disagree on when it comes to discipline, but that's something we never bring up in front of the kids. If one of us issues a time out for hitting or throwing toys, the other one sticks by it. And talk to the kids about honesty and respect, don't let them treat you differently than they treat daddy. They are old enough to understand that mommy deserves some respect too.
    rachaelpsp

    Answer by rachaelpsp at 2:52 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • It's not right that he takes their word over yours, but he might need some first-hand experience to fully grasp what is going on.  Your husband may need more opportunities to care for the boys without you home. You might try leaving them with him for a full day, or at least several hours while you run errands or something.  My husband is generally more appreciative of my parenting abilities when he's had to do it all by himself for an extended period of time.

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:55 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I think one thing to do is work on the husband thing. He should beieve you over them at this age at least. It is not helping the situation at all when he believes them, It would probably only help whn he starts trusting you. It probably encourages them to act like that because "daddy believs them". Too bad you and ur husband culdnt switch for a week n he stay home with the boys and see if they stay little angles, because if its an act i guarentee they cant keep it up all day everyday, then he would truly see and you all could work together to resolve their behavior problems.
    Whitwilson

    Answer by Whitwilson at 2:57 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Another thought - you might look for a parenting class and get your husband to take it with you. My husband and I have taken a Love & Logic parenting class twice, and it really helped us get on the same page.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:57 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • yeah , learned behaviour can be a bitch
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 3:06 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • sounds all too familiar my son does this also and also if it is both his dad and I and him in the grocery store he can be a brat but if it is just one of us and him he is as good as can be.  I think it is a phase they go through and see if they can get their way with one parent when the other has said no

    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 8:59 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

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