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2 Bumps

My 3 y/o step daughter.....

I have been with a guys for a while now and are now engaged... When we were dating and his daughter whome is 3 y/o, comes to visit from out of state, she doesnt like it when im anywhere near my fiance... she doesnt like it when we go to go to sleep and im in the same bed as him or even on the same couch as him.... i cant even give him a hug without her throwing a tantrum cause im showing affection to her daddy.... Help is needed... what can i do to show her that her tantrums are not going to stop me from kissing him or anything? Everytime she has a tantrum i have to get up and move away from him cause he doesnt tell her no..

Answer Question
 
aylagrly

Asked by aylagrly at 2:49 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Wow.  Well first of all she's 3 not a teenager so I would think you'd be the adult.  She's just a baby so maybe staying away from her dad while she's there and trying to bond with her a little bit might make things easier.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:50 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • i have tried to bond with her and we are fine when its just her and i but when daddy comes home i am not allowed anywhere near him... i have tried to be the adult and tell her that this is how its gonna be. i love your daddy and you so this needs to stop... doesnt help that we only get her about every other month if that
    aylagrly

    Comment by aylagrly (original poster) at 2:53 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • You and her dad need to be on the same team. Maybe if he talked to her and explained that it's okay for you to be affectionate.. maybe she wouldn't feel like she needed to be defensive... Shes probably feeling that you are trying to take her daddy from her... Or something along those lines.. so having him talk to her and explain it will probably help!
    kaitilala

    Answer by kaitilala at 2:57 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like something her mommy and daddy need to talk to her about. Hearing it from you probably goes in one ear and out the other. Although I would say you do need to give their space and let them have lots of daddy and daughter time since they probably doesn't get a lot of it. Also, see if you can do some soon to be step mommy and daughter things, like maybe a mani and pedi day?
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 2:58 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • i actually think that might help... ive tried to get him to talk to her but it never happens and i have to deal with her tantrums and him never telling her no
    aylagrly

    Comment by aylagrly (original poster) at 2:59 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Ahhh that's a hard one.  I agree, it probaly wouldn't be so bad if you guys were getting her more because it sounds to me like she just wants Daddy all to herself which is understandable when she hardly ever sees him.  I definitely think it would help if he talked to her also. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:02 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • thanks guys for all your info. we get her this sat so i will deff have him talk to her about it... the worst part is that she has had a step father whome she calls daddy but has no problem with that
    aylagrly

    Comment by aylagrly (original poster) at 3:06 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • She can't talk to you about her feelings, but that does not make them any less real. She is instinctively protecting what she knows is hers. We just had the truth of this made very plain to us this week when the mother of my younger granddaughter had to be out of town for a couple of days and nights. She is 17 months old. Even though she was in familiar surroundings with people with whom she is with all the time, she became very clingy, which she never is. She had no idea where her mother was nor why she was missing, but her world had been greatly messed with, and she reacted to that reality. That's what is happening with this child, and the very best thing you could do for her would be to honor her need to be exclusively her daddy's when she has the rare opportunity to be with him. This child has had no say-so in the hand that has been dealt her, but her little heart knows something is missing, and she is grabbing for it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:07 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • but at the same time while she does this i really cant be in my own house or sleep in my own bed or even sit on my own couch with both of them even.
    aylagrly

    Comment by aylagrly (original poster) at 3:10 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I know the child had no say in the hand that has been dealt but it is her dads job to teach her how to deal with it. It is NOT you staying away or not being able to be comfortable in your own house! SHE IS THREE!!! If everyone lets her throw these tantrums and say it is ok because she misses her daddy she will grow up to be a monster. I know I will get ripped on this but I have already lived through this. And I was an outsider in my own home because of these tantrums and I tried EVERYTHING to bond with the child and now 8 years later that child treats me with utter disrespect. The child needs her daddy time but also needs to know that you live there too. You can not be expected to stay out of your bed, couch or room because she will throw a fit. She needs to learn that it is ok for you to be there and by her father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

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