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3 Bumps

What to do with a friend like this adult content

I have a friend who is separated from her husband. He kept her pretty isolated during their marriage, so although I'm not her only friend, I'm one of very few. Now that they are separated, she is always talking about all these other guys: one she's like for 10+ years, one she used to date (who was married then and is now) who's going to put money in her bank account (she doesn't work) and pay her rent when she moves out of her mother's house, her male best friend who has always wanted to get with her...and those are just the ones I can remember right now.

She's a really nice woman, but all this talk about all these guys and her verbal debates with herself about whether or not to sleep with them and all this other crap that she keeps talking about...it's driving me nuts. I really like her, but I'm not sure how much more of this I can listen to.

The thing is, her husband was emotionally abusive and I was the one who told her that I thought he was and that I thought she should leave him. So, I would kind of feel guilty to tell her I don't want to be friends with her anymore over this. And I don't really want to stop being friends with her over it; I just want to get her to stop. But I also know she's really sensitive.

I don't know how I can tell her to stop talking about all this without hurting her feelings. I'm normally really good with words and figuring out how to be nice about stuff, but I just can't come up with a way to put this that doesn't come off like I'm calling her a slut or something.

Any ideas?

 
wendythewriter

Asked by wendythewriter at 3:42 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 33 (61,976 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I have a friend similar to this and it was driving me crazy too but I always felt bad for her. So, when she would do this I would nod and say "uh huh" just like you, but I then I would continue with "oh! Did you hear about such and such" and I would just try to jump as far away from the men topic as I could and try to not let her get back to the conversation of men. And there were times that I would just flat out say things like "that's more info than I care to know about, let's change the subject" Maybe that will help. Sorry, I know it is really frustrating to have a friend like that.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 4:18 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • DOES she sleep with these guys? If she doesn't, maybe she just likes the attention from them. And maybe she just doesn't know how to be single - I know that's my issue right now! She might be accepting attention from the wrong type of men because she just likes how it makes her feel.
    Maybe you could introduce her to someone you think she might like, who might be better for her?
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 3:45 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I was your friend 10 yrs ago so you just have to keep being there for her and maybe tell her that what she is doing might not look good on her if eventually she ends up in court. That is what one of my friends told me and it made a big difference. I dont know if she has kids, but it doesnt matter. If she ended up going to court a judge will look down on poor behavior that happens before the divorce is over. I know with my ex the judge really seemed to deduct "points" just because he was a cheater, liar, and was living with his mistress so soon after we split up.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:46 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • You may not be able to keep from hurting her feelings, it's just gonna happen. But you can keep it to a minimum. Just tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable listening to her talk about these guys like that.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:47 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • maybe having been so isolated and being verbally abused she just needs that attention. She may not sleep with any of them but just knowing that people are interested in her boosts her ego. If her husband was abusive I would think that he made her feel as though SHE was lucky that HE would have her and that no one else would. If this situation is still new maybe you can just try to ignore alot of it and just try to help direct her down a path of taking care of herself. Maybe get involved in some volunteer groups with her, help her meet new people, just keep her busy with things that will better her life. She may be feeling desperate like he has to have a man to survive, show her that is not the case.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 3:52 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • she was controlled for so long and now she is free and as you are sitting there listening sit down and say what are you going to do for you and when will this start. She is running after these men and somehow she is going to repeat the cycle of control. Its time for you to sit down and say she needs counseling not another man to pay her way be honest.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:41 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • she proably just doesnt know how to occupy her time now since she is free.she just wants attention in the way her husband didnt give her
    tabcat816

    Answer by tabcat816 at 10:49 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I think the real reason it bothers me is that it's ALL we ever talk about...or rather, SHE ever talks about. We sit for about 40 minutes in the car rider line waiting for our kids, and we talk then....she does all the talking, I'm just nodding and saying "uh huh" because that's all I can get in.
    wendythewriter

    Comment by wendythewriter (original poster) at 4:07 PM on Mar. 10, 2011