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Custody / Separation Question

So my husband and I are separated. The divorce is no where near the end point. For the last few weeks he has gone off the deep end, sending me messages, txt, calls, etc, trying to win me back and in his words "make me fall in love again". He said a couple days ago he has come to terms our marriage is over.
Now he quit his job that was states away and is going to be interviewing at a place within a half hour of where I am now. No big deal to me. He wants to be closer to the kids. His literal crazy behavior has made my family concerned for the kids during him visiting them. Next weekend he would like to take the boys (16m and 2 1/2 years) from like Friday afternoon to Sunday. They would stay at my MIL which is a couple hours away. I have custody agreement papers from an attorney, that he said they hold up in court should my husband not abide by the agreement (take them or not return them kind of thing). A lot of my family think I should only allow him to visit the kids at my parents (which is where I currently am living) and not allow him to take them by himself. Because of how he has acted towards me, the obsessiveness, contacting my friends, trying to control me, being emotionally manipulative. He has a history of depression and once before contemplated suicide when an ex fiance left him. My mother is concerned he will take the kids or something.
I feel like he should be able to take them to his mom's. And I feel bad only having him see them a few hours here and there until a divorce is settled with a custody arrangement. I think the papers i have from the attorney are enough, as a judge takes them very serious should one party not abide by the arrangement.
Anyone have any advice? Should I allow them to go a couple nights to his mothers? Or what? I don't think anything would happen, I think some of my relatives are thinking most drastic case (as I had an aunt take her kids and it took my uncle 3 years to get them back, she was schizophrenic).

Also hard to get into all the details, but wondered what anyone in this situation has done.


Asked by 2BlondeBabies at 3:58 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,069 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • A divorce is emotinal persiod. i would ltry to leave you and him as separate pieces of the puzzle and the kids and him in their own loop. Its gets too complicated when its all jumbled together. I find it best to think of each as separate issues. if you feel safe and feel they will be safe then send your kids to visit their grandma and their father. If not just try an overnight then take it to weekends.

    Answer by hnharper at 4:21 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I think if he hasn't been verbally or physically abusive to you or the children, and as long as you do have a custody agreement in effect now, then you do what you feel is best for your KIDS, not anyone else. If you have an agreement stating he has to return them, or something to that effect, then go for it, you can call the police if he doesn't, and just show them the custody or visitation papers, w/e it is. I wish you the best.

    Answer by knicole0708 at 4:03 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Hun, papers in your hand are meaningless if he disappears and him and your kids are never seen again. If his behavior has "gone off the deep end" he doesn't sound like he should be alone with the kids at all right now. I would suggest supervised visitation!!!!

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 4:05 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • He has never been abusive in any way. After 2 months of us barely speaking, he up and decided then he wanted to work it out. I by then said It's done .... when I repeatedly attempted to talk to him about making it work out (our issues were that I wasn't In love with him, financial, him going to strip clubs, things along those lines) he ignored me. It was during our first apt at Domestics over child support he decided he wanted me back, this was the first time in 4 months we had physically seen one another. When I told him I wanted a divorce is when the letters and msg started for a couple weeks of him wanting to continue with this marriage. He of course is also digging for info, like did I have an affair, anything he can find in my eyes to make him look better or not at fault of our relationship failing.
    He is military and the attorney told me he doesn't sound like a high priority or problematic person that would steal...

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 4:19 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • ....steal his kids. He would be in some serious trouble and is an officer in the military. Most of his irratic behavior is towards me, and as I see it (the trained counselor in me) he is in the stages of a divorce that his emotions are highly charged now that he sees it is over.
    Hope that all makes sense. I agree with both answers before mine. It's not an easy decision.

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 4:21 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I have had a child taken by his father and my advice to you is to abide what ever is in the custody agreement, offer no more and no less. See if you offer more when you go to court the court will look at it and say well geez you were alright with this before, why not now? Are you vindictive? If you do less then it bites you on the ass too. If he does less bites him on the ass. If he stays with the agreement without complaints then asks for more they say well you have been fine with this why are you asking for more? See how that works? Stick with the order AS IS and make sure you know you can come out of this lily white.
    As for his depression and obsessive tendencies keep a journal of all activity so you can bring it to court. Judges appreciate them and do read them.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:29 PM on Mar. 10, 2011