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2 Bumps

Do I reach out?

A birth mother contacted me in November (early on in her pregnancy) and we were in touch via email for about a month. Then once every couple of weeks. She continued to say that she wants to get to know a family before she makes her decision to place & that she wanted to meet with us once things slowed down for her. I hadn't heard from her for a couple of weeks and reached out to her. She responded and said she would like to meet up and asked when we are available. I did give a few dates but said that we are basically free & can meet at almost anytime. That was a couple of weeks ago.
Do I reach out to her again? I don't want to be pushy but I want her to know that we are still interested in meeting up with her so we can get to know each.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (4)
  • I would, just a simple note, of how are you? how is the pregnancy/baby, is all well? Maybe inquire of medical issues, I know when I did my adoption, the adoptive parents would call every once in a while to ask if there was anything i needed medically or if all the medical bills were being met and handled. Just keep it lite and not pushy. Maybe she is havin a difficult time with the fact that she is about to have a baby who she has to give up. Believe me, it is the hardest thing she will ever do. Be supportive and helpful. Good luck

    Answer by parajumper3 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • No. It's too coercive. If she choses you then you'll have plenty of time to get to know each other once her baby is born. If you push her to meet now, before her baby is born, she may give you her baby because she feels obligated to you and later regret it.

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:45 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Absolutely NOT! Please leave this young hormonal woman alone. As OTT stated, you will be adding confusion with guilt with a feeling of owing you if she decides she wishes to parent. Let her contact you! Let her meet her new baby without pressure... Even IF she has stated otherwise, she has an excuse... You do not, she will contact when/ if she is ready. Give this EMommy her time and hopefully she will decide she is capable of parenting, blessings,CJ

    Answer by ceejay1 at 8:13 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • No, let her contact you again if she wants to do so. Continuing to contact her when she is not responding could feel like pressure to her, and that is the last thing she and her baby need now. If she does not respond and you continue to contact her, it is not just pushy, but coercive.

    I agree with frogdawg that matching over the Internet is not a good option, and yes, a bad idea for everyone involved.

    Answer by Southernroots at 8:55 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

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