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He believes in spanking; I don't.....

What do I say to him?? He believes that spanking will teach him a lesson. Yes, I believe that myself; but I don't like the outcome of it. Our son is only 8 months old right now, he's not doing it right now. Just some light taps on the bottem when he wont stop fussing or crying and I KNOW that is not right! But how can I convince him of that??!! I've tried already, got SOME of the things I said into his head. But he is headstrong about this disciplining before he gets "TOO spoiled". Help!


Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Nov. 23, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • My boyfriend are fixing to get married, but I already have a son that just turned a year old. I do believe in spanking him when he is wrong, in my eyes he learns from them. But I NEVER SPANK HIM WHEN HE IS UPSET, instead I try to comfort him. I know that your husband can/could be fustrated with him, if he can't find out what he wants/needs. I understand how he feels. I was a single mother for the longest time before I met my boyfriend. I thought at some times that I would just kill myself if he didn't stop crying, but you learn to cope with it after a while. My suggestion to you would be: when and if you and your husband have the time to sit down and talk about these kind of things and don't try to work your way around what you really want to say just come out and tell him. That I think is the best way of a relationship.

    Answer by Dallas789 at 1:38 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • 8 months is when i started popping my son on the hand. not if he wouldnt' stop fussing or anything like that, only like if he did something bad. Try what i did, i would say no, take him away from whatever it is (i.e. an outlet, bookshelf, ect) if he does it again, say "mommy said NO", take him away from it again, and if he did it a third time, pop him on the hand. i always did it with the hand he did the act with. like if he went for an outlet, i'd pop him on the hand that he touched it with. i haven't had to pop him for that since he was 9 months, along with the bookshelf, sitting in and pushing his baby sister's swing, ect. 8 month olds don't really understand time out's right now, so a pop IMO is best. maybe you can get your SO to do it that way, since his main concern is being spoiled. (my dh is the same way)

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:39 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Honestly, this is something you guys should've talked about before you had kids. My husband grew up in a HUGE spanking like with belts and such, home. And I did not. I do not believe in beating my kids. We had a talk before we had our son on how we wanted to handle that and we have a compromise, some things are for spanking, but we try and do a positive reward system instead of a negative... positive gets a lot more length than negative

    Answer by JennBear54 at 12:43 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Wow...not to be mean but you are going to have some hurdles. You should have discussed parenting styles before becoming parents. He's used to one style that you do not agree with. Me and my husband both believe in a tap on the butt if you do something that drastic (like putting mommy's cell phone in the cats water dish purposely). Most times a simple 5 minute sit on the couch corrects it (a minute for each year of life).You definitely need to take time to sit down and come to a compromise. See when me and my husband were younger, if we did half the crap that only gets a time out we'd get a "papow". My granny would take her slipper, rubber flip flop, KED sneaker...and wack my butt.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 2:33 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Get this book Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn.

    Seriously...make him read it and you read it too. Your perspective will change on a lot of things.


    Answer by keyaziz at 10:28 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Will he read stats? If you look you'll see that there are risks to spanking children. Maybe then he'll change his views? My husband used to believe in spanking and he doesn't anymore. We spanked our older kids but stopped a few years ago. The change was fast and wonderful! I can't believe I thought spanking was the way to go. We used to have issues with them doing things they shouldn't. They didn't seem to understand that you don't do things because they are wrong or bad for you. They thought you don't do certain things to avoid getting hit, which is a BAD message to send to kids. My husband was the same way as a child. I was never hit so my morals were intact. He did so many more bad things than I did. I really love the change I see in my kids(My older 3, my younger 2 haven't been hit at all), if you can change his mind it will really be for the better.

    Answer by Pauline3283 at 11:06 AM on Nov. 23, 2008