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Is there any hope?

If you saw my post earlier then you know the situation, I just want to know if there is any ways that people have tried to save their marriages when they have had cheating happen. My husband hasn't actually met the woman in real life, they are on an online chat program together and I don't necessarily have a problem with him talking to her, i just have a problem with the fact that he has been lying to me about how close they have gotten. He tells me that he still loves me and that he wants to work on our marriage and figure things out, but until he gets back from Boot Camp we are in limbo because when he left on monday I decided to do something stupid (or Brave) and got on the program and confronted her. He said some things that I don't like and he told her things about our family that I don't agree with, but I don't feel like things are over yet. I have to at least see if we can work this out. We have an autistic five year old and a very energetic four year old that is a major daddy's girl and until the last six months or so he was a great husband and father.

He said that I withdrew from him and that he felt alone is the only reason he started going onto the chat program and that is probably true. But my only problem is that I need to figure out if he will stop if I get out of this depression I am in and start participating more? I guess what I am wondering is, does anyone know of any programs out there for married couples to get into to get back to being a couple? I think somewhere along the line we became mommy and daddy instead of being husband and wife first. Thank you all in advance for any help you can offer.

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Asked by vchristineg at 6:53 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (86 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • My husband did some what of the same thing a few months after we had gotten married...but we worked through it. It CAN be done. But you both have to be willing and open. First off, why is he becoming "friends" with some woman in a chat room? IMO, thats not acceptable. My husband is in the Marine Corps and when he was talking to other women on an x-rated website, he was in his MOS school. We werent living together yet b/c of his schooling so he was bored, lonely and curious. Not an excuse to me but I believed him. He had to show me that he was willing to gain my trust back and he did. We went to couseling and I HIGHLY recommend it. We found out that it was a deeper problem that had nothing to do with me and he worled it out within himself. You said your husband is in bootcamp? When he gets home or to wherever he is going, you can call Military One Source and get marriage counseling for free. Hope everything works out!

    Answer by LuvMyMarine1024 at 7:15 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • thank you. I am hoping that we can work through it and if we need help to do that then i am willing i just have to wait to find out if he is.

    Comment by vchristineg (original poster) at 7:17 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Ahh. yes. i remember and i said that taking the computer away isnt going to do anything so im glad you reached out and want to find a way to help yourselves.

    i would say maybe join a group on Cafemom for yourself (if they have any) and then if you cant afford actual counceling, have someone in the family or a smart friend do counceling, she/he doesnt need to offer advice, you two need to get it all out! hopefully they could offer some advice though.

    The problem was, that he was talking to someone who understood him and someone that he could turn to vent so he went to the first person that was willing to listen and it was her. Dont blame yourself for finding out, luckily you did before anything happened

    Answer by americansugar80 at 7:20 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I'm sure he will want to. Is he at MC boot camp? When my husband left for Parris Island, he came back with a whoile new outlook on life. I'm sure 3 months (or however long) will make him realize that he has a wife and child that he needs and loves!

    Answer by LuvMyMarine1024 at 7:21 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • He is at army boot camp. I hope that he gets the wake up call. My question is should i write him about my fears while he is there or wait until he gets home?

    Comment by vchristineg (original poster) at 7:28 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Write him as much as you like, and let him know you love him very much are want to make this work. Tell him you want to make things work but do not go into great detail until after he gets home. I know Army basic training they get to call or something like that correct? You want him to know you hope he is willing to work on it but you dont want to distract him from his training either.

    Answer by LuvMyMarine1024 at 8:02 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Either boot camp... guaranteed he'll come back thinking a whole different way.

    I know I'd probably write him and tell him what I found out. Let him know what you saw and what you do not like and if he wants you in his life that it will stop immediately. I don't know if that's the smartest move, but it's what I would do. He's going to be tired and lonely and he will think of you and the life he's made with you. If she truly means nothing to him, he won't think of her in bootcamp eh'll want to come home to your arms.

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 8:03 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Btw, start a journal. Whenever you want to say something to him that may distract him from his training, write it down. It really will help. And then when he gets home, or if HE brings it up before, then you won't be as willing to say something you may regret.

    Answer by LuvMyMarine1024 at 8:03 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • ok thanks. I will try to keep people posted about how this works out.

    Comment by vchristineg (original poster) at 8:03 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

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