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Am I responsible for feeding my adult child, he is 20 and doesn't deserve to be here in such a wonderful home

My oldest son is 20 years old, lazy, and for the most part not very helpful. I pay for his car insurance, I don't charge him rent. He eats everything in sight and is self centered and arrogant. He does not have a job. so the question is do I have to feed him? or let him do laundry? I am serving him 30 days notice, the police tell me I can't just kick him out. He says if I don't feed him I am neglegent. Any body got the real story on this subject?

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wittsons3

Asked by wittsons3 at 7:10 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (19 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • no,you are no longer responsible for him
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:12 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • good luck

    sherribeare

    Answer by sherribeare at 7:13 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • He's an adult, so no, you're not negligent. He's just taking advantage of you. If I were you, I'd stop paying for his car insurance too. I don't know legally what your rights are as far as getting him out of your house, but I'd definitely look into that. It's about time for that little bird to learn how to fly on his own...
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 7:13 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • You are not responsible to feed an able-bodied adult person. Isn't this part of what is called "tough love"? Good luck to you
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:14 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • You could only be charged negligent if he were incapacitated in some way, and it's obvious he's not. You've been trying to be a good mon, now, for his best interest, you have to be a tough mom. Stop feeding him, don't pay anything for him, inc. insurance. He'll get the hint, and start doing something, like get a job, or go live with someone else. If you don't you'll end up with a 40 year old that you're supporting, while he continues to give you grief.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 7:17 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Actually, legally you can give him 30 days notice it's happened to me, not by my parents but by my landlord. I would stop paying for his car insurance, stop providing gas for his car (i'm guessing you do since you he has no job) and certainly I wouldn't provide food for him. I would make him start actively looking for a job, and if he steps up to the plate maybe u can rethink him staying at ur home. as long as he pays rent, his own car insurance, and other responsibilities.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • No you aren't responsible but as a mom I can see where he might think you should feed him. My son will be 19 in May and is also pretty lazy and wouldn go to school or get a job so I told him he had a month to straighten up (also to follow house rules) and he chose to move out. He lives with his sister now and thats fine with me. I think after awhile theres just so much we can do. If he hasnt been looking for work then you dont owe him anything, if he has been looking then Id probably cut him some slack.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:18 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • My children are all under 5 but my parents just went through this with my younger brother. They gave him about a month to get a job or at least be activly looking. And when i mean looking he had to show them were he went and applied. They also stopped doing his laundry and my mom only made enough supper for her and my dad. He changed real quick. He now has a full time job (its just at walmart but at least its something) he pays his own insurance, he pays a small amount of rent. And no you are no longer financially responsible for him. At least not by law. Hope this helps and good luck.
    michelle.coppes

    Answer by michelle.coppes at 7:21 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Give him the notice - do it in writing and with a witness (not your dh) if at all possible - or do something like video tape giving it to him - tough love - yes, but if it's at this point, it sounds like there needs to be some tough love.

    But, as far as if you can get in trouble legally for not feeding him, then honestly, he is NOT a minor child. He's an adult. You could try doing something like tell him that, since you have now given him notice and you understand that he does not have a job, you will allow him to have access to food during that time - but that he does NOT have full use of the kitchen. Provide him with bread, peanut butter, stuff like that.

    Also, inform him - again - with witnesses and stuff like above - probably at the same time - that you are NOT required to provide his car insurance, and that you are canceling it, then do so.

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:24 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Maybe if you had giving him some tools like an education or emphasized on one he wouldn't be like this, going away to college gives them the tools to fend for themselves aside from an education to go out into the world and have half a chance....
    older

    Answer by older at 7:24 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

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