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3 Bumps

"If you're not married you can't sleep in the same bed" rule... why?

If a couple comes to stay with you (or anyone) and they are not married, why is the rule that they have to sleep apart, even if they live together otherwise? Isn't that kind of dumb?  I mean... it doesn't keep them from doing whatever they want to do as soon as your back is turned lol.  Or as soon as they're out of your house.  Why does it matter?

Not being mean, just asking.  I seriously don't understand.


Asked by Ati_13 at 8:09 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (47)
  • It is asinine. Only after years of having family visit who weren't married (and several children who were in long term relationships, and living together) have my parents made exception to this rule... It still applies when visiting other family members, they use it as a way to feel superior and secure in their relationships. It's sad.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:15 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • doesn't matter what the rule is or how crazy it may seem. when you are a guest in another person's home, you abide by their wishes. would you allow a smoker to smoke in your house (if you were not a smoker)? no, i didn't think so.
    its an easy fix, though: get a hotel room!

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:19 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • A lot of people think of premarital sex as a sin, and don't want that behavior in their house, the one place they can set the rule. If the adult children respect their parents beliefs, they'll follow the rules or find somewhere else to stay.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 8:26 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • First, most people don't use that rule these days. Second, if you are a guest in someone's home, you follow their rules. Third, people who use that rule, use it to prevent things that they believe are sinful from happening under their roof. If you don't like it, then don't stay there. Be respectful :)

    Answer by Renee3K at 8:50 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Ati13, As long as I'm the one paying the mtg or rent, it IS my decison as to what does or does not go on under the roof I'm paying for.

    "I can't control what people choose to do with their bodies, and we love these people. They are sleeping in the same bed because they love each other. We believe in reserving sex for marriage because of X, Y and Z, but we don't tell other people what to do."

    Most kids would interept this as saying that if they feel they love their boy/girlfriend, it's ok for them to sleep with them. I wouldn't allow anyone to shoot drugs in my home either and that just could be something they do, think is alright and really isn't hurting me since they are doing it to their own bodies. Using the "it isn't really hurting you" rationalization opens the door for others to do anything they want in YOUR home.

    Answer by meriana at 11:22 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I'm not trying to sound condescending, but you sound awfully young. When I was younger I thought being tolerant meant that I had to accept every behavior that someone engaged in. Then I realized that there was a safe haven and that haven was my home. The one place I didn't have to overlook behaviors that I found immoral or accept everything and smile.
    If your moral code tells you that premarital sex is good and healthy and normal and natural, good on you! I've learned and seen the damage that it can do, both in my life and the lives of people I love. It creates a false intimacy that can really damage a person if they come to realize that the person they thought they were connecting with wasn't just in it for the sex. There's really a lot of reasons why I think it's not a good idea to encourage the behavior, but really. The only thing that matters is that it won't be allowed in my home.

    Answer by adnilm at 11:43 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • People have every right to set the rules in their own home.Visitors are obligated to respect those rules,or don't visit.
    I don't allow people to smoke in my home.I don't want people to bring their pets into my home (even though I have pets myself).It's my home.I set the rules in it,you don't.Respect it.Just like you expect people to respect your rules in your home.No matter how stupid the rules may seem to anyone else.

    Answer by MistyBlueMom at 9:53 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • That rule doesn't exist in my house. If you're visiting somewhere, you follow their rules. It doesn't need to make sense to me to be their rule.

    Answer by Nonoluna at 8:12 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • It exists and always has in my moms house. The way she sees it is that in her house she doesnt condone premarital sex, and even if you are just going to leave & do it you will atleast know where she stands on it and maybe get something from it. I never argue with my mom LOL.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:27 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I don't understand it either. Not because the couple will do what they want when they go home. I don't understand it because just because two people sleep in the same bed does not mean they will have sex. Why not have more trust in people that they have self-control.

    Answer by purpleducky at 8:42 PM on Mar. 10, 2011