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Anybody else finding out SAHMotherhood was not for them?

I feel horrible about it but I want to get out and get a job because I just don't feel very depressed and unfulfilled by staying at home. I get out,get some adult conversation and feel like I did something and can now come home and say I love being with my child and have the drive to clean and cook and play.
I just want to get something part time and of course my husband is vehemently apposed to me not staying home full time. I understand why, his mother was a SAHM and he finds it important for our kids to have a parent at home.

Does anybody else not feel like stay at home mothering is for them? and if you've experienced objections from your spouse or if you haven't how would deal with that? I'm looking for positive responses that won't compromise my marriage.

Answer Question

Asked by lizziebreath at 9:34 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 19 (6,846 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • this is why I work..

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 9:37 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I have a love/hate relationship with it...while I actually do love being at home with my daughter and Im definatly happy to not be spending a fortune on daycare and babysitters, I also feel very isolated and alone most of the time...I don't know any other SAHM's in my community and none of my friends have children or are married yet so I literally have no one to talk to until my husband gets home.....I've stated to hubby that I would like to get a job after we're done having children and the youngest is in school but although he hasnt told me flat out no I can tell that he doesnt approve of this plan....I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you but I figured knowing someone else could relate would be helpful also. Good luck with everything mama

    Answer by Lucky209 at 9:38 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • IMO being a SAHM isn't for the Mother, it's for the children. When I made the decision to have a child, I made a vow to him I would be there for him , and that also goes for our other 2 children. They didn't ask to be brought into the world, the least I can do is be there for them until they can take care of themselves.
    My Hubby and I discussed it, and agreed that it's what was best for our children. Ours are all in school now, and I get my break during the day. It was hard for the first few yrs, but once they all went to school it's gotten so much easier. I would do it all over again.. I'm also thankful we can afford for me to be able to stay home, and don't have to rely on the government to support us. So yes being a SAHM, is for me, and I would do it all over again if I had to.....

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:44 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • i love being home with my ds all day, he makes my day more interesting to put it mildly lol i hate it though because i have never been "fully domesticated" to put it nicely..i'll clean...only because i have to...i hate doing dishes and housework lol but i love cooking and baking. And honestly, i like being at home because i can slack off as long as everything is done before dh is home lol

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 9:50 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I work 2 days a week. It's perfect for me and my family. I get out a little bit and don't feel like I'm abandoning my son.

    Now what I make I basically spend on gas and childcare but I really mind. I just work to get out.

    Answer by lstrickland at 9:53 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • i'm with you OP, I need to work at least part time to feel accomplished and successful. I've been home full time with DS since November and I'm going nuts! I love spending my days with my son, he's a riot. But, I've worked and attended school full time since I was 16. Then I added a child to that work/school schedule so needless to say I've always been an on the go person. I graduated last May, so that slowed my life down a little. Then in November I was placed on medical leave from work so that made my life even less eventful. I thought I'd enjoy being home all day everyday but quite honestly it sucks. My house is always clean and laundry done and then I get bored outta my mind. I have no desire to work full time again, because I'd miss spending that time with DS. But I'd love to be able to get out of the house 2-3 times a week and go work. I hope this medical leave ends soon!

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 11:24 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • I think if you can get a close family member to watch your children (or if your husband watches them), then you could do something part-time and not compromise giving loving attention to your children.

    I personally have the opposite problem. I'd love to be with DD all the time and I feel my schooling and internship takes away from that too often. I hope to have a schooling situation in the future that will accommodate being with her everyday (I'm in school to be a teacher, I hope to find an alternative school that she can attend and I can teach at).

    If you feel trapped by being at home, that isn't likely to change. I know some mothers eventually get so burnt out they have to just leave their kids (google Mango Mama). That's not where you want to be. I think you may need a third-party or family therapy session to get your husband to see that what is good for your sanity is good for your children...

    How old are your kids? ...

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:39 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Is there something you can do without the full-time commitment of a job, so he can see how it works and so can you? How about volunteering somewhere so many days per week for a few hours? It can be in the evening while he watches the kids.

    What about doing more out-of-the-house but with kids in tow? I know cabin fever just staying at home all day drives me crazy and my kid too, if we're out together, we're happy together.

    At the least, demand an hour of "mommy-time" every evening. Go out and have a coffee, talk to some friends, take a bath. Whatever, an hour a day isn't so much for him to give, even if he works full-time, because your job is 24/7.

    I'm not trying to insult him here, but it isn't being a good husband to ignore your wife's needs. (I am not a very good wife sometimes because I ignore my husband's needs, doesn't make me a bad wife overall). This seems important to you, it should be important to him.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:43 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Wow question I forgot I posted. I actually try to go for a walk or a run by myself once a day now and I try to go to bookclub once a month. He's fine with watching him for an hour or so but the idea of me getting a job was a bit much for him since women in his family generally don't work outside the home. We're still talking about me finishing my CNA on the weekends but that sounds like a possibility because it sounded like a good first step toward my RN which I really want to get so that when the kids are a little older I can pick up a job I like or even just volunteer as the school nurse.

    Comment by lizziebreath (original poster) at 2:02 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • DS is almost nine months old.

    Comment by lizziebreath (original poster) at 2:05 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

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