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2 Bumps

Curfew or no curfew?

Am I being too protective and is it time to let go a lil more or am I the norm?

Should a 20 yr old still have a curfew?

She is a good kid and the only problem I have is her getting her butt home on time (2am). When 2:30 rolls around I am calling / texting her to see where she is and for the most part she does not answer. She does not check in - cuz she says she is busy with whatever she is doing and is not thinking about "checking in with mommy" (in a roll your eyes type attitude of course lol). I am not worried about drugs or drinking.

If I knew what the "norm" is I feel like I could relax knowing either I am right to insist she be home at a certain time - usually 2am; or let it go and say you are an adult and just because you live in my house does not mean you have to be home at 2am .....

Please - Please - Please, give me you feedback.

Answer Question
 
javajunky2

Asked by javajunky2 at 10:27 PM on Mar. 10, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (64 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • I stopped having a curfew at the age of 17, and if my kids are goos in school and as active in sports like me and their dad was they will have a lead way also, if they are good to trust then trust them
    SkylaReneeMom

    Answer by SkylaReneeMom at 10:30 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • When I was an adult, I didnt' necessarily have a curfew but had to leave a note saying where I was going and about what time I'd be home. And I think she needs to communicate w/ you if she wants to live there. That's what my Momma always told me :)
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 10:31 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • When I was living at home at 17+ with my parents, my curfew was 12:30, no matter what. I honestly don't know what they would be doing at 2am anyway, and out of respect for you, and the fact she's living under your roof she should be home by 12:30. Our boys will and if they don't want to live by my rules, then they can go live on their own... JMO
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:34 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • When I was 18+ and I lived with my mom I did have a curfew because it was her house. All I ahd to do was call or text her tho if I was running late. And thats what she should do.
    MOM2DYLnHAYLEE

    Answer by MOM2DYLnHAYLEE at 10:35 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • um no
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 10:35 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • As long as our children lived at home, they were expected home at a certain time, and it was a good bit earlier than 2 A.M. We had to get up and go to work the next day, and we didn't sleep well until everyone was home. They knew the rules, and they abided by them. There's really no reason why anyone should be out that late anyway, except on rare occasions!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:39 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • NannyB - that is how I feel too. But I also feel like it is a "BECAUSE I SAID SO" and that is something I never used as a parent. If I had a valid reason I would better. LMAO!! Granted, she is not complaining - generally she is home on time. I just wanted to know if I should keep the curfew or let it ride.

    I am so thankful for all your input!
    javajunky2

    Comment by javajunky2 (original poster) at 10:47 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • Your house, your rules. Simple as that. And, communication is a must! She may be 20, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't have a sense of responsibility & that someone doesn't care. Doesn't she have some place to be during the day? Work? Classes? If she isn't doing one or the other, she CERTAINLY needs a responsibility call. 2:30 am generally means shutting down the bars & clubs. If she's not drinking, she is still sharing the road with those who have been & driving home. It's not always about not trusting your kids. It's a whole lot about trusting the judgement of others around them. It took my kids having kids to learn that concept.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 10:51 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • In my opinion, I think that so long as you don't think she's doing anything dangerous and she isn't waking everyone up when she comes home and (if she's in school) her grades are staying up. That being said, I would talk to her and just explain that you just want to know that she's ok and ask her to at least leave you a note or send a text or something letting you know that she's ok. Tell her that you aren't trying to be overbearing or anything, you're just worried because she's still your baby and that sort of thing, and no matter how old she is, you're going to worry because you're her mother. It is your house, after all, and she should be grateful to have a mother that isn't trying to totally control her and also isn't throwing her out on her own.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 11:10 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

  • if she isnt paying you rent i think its ur house your rules.
    proudmom611

    Answer by proudmom611 at 11:12 PM on Mar. 10, 2011

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